The Day I Felt Old

I’m a relatively healthy person.  When I go for my physical, my numbers are all in line with what they should be.  Though I have lousy sinuses and am plagued with sinus colds, for the most part, I don’t get sick.  Until this year, the last time I used antibiotics had been ten years ago when I had bronchitis.  Until this April.

In April I got pneumonia.  It was hideous.  Started out as a really bad cold, then turned into pneumonia.  Now I know that pneumonia is dangerous: it is not something to be taken lightly, but still…

I was supplied with my drug cocktail: two antibiotics, two cough medicines and a steroid.  I learned early on that I had to stagger taking the medicine so I wouldn’t feel sick (you know what I mean).  I created a spreadsheet. (no- I am never too sick to create a spreadsheet)  But early on I learned a simple fact: there’s a reason why an antibiotic protocol is ten days- because you need ten days to get better.  See, last time I used antibiotics I didn’t need the cycle to feel better- I started to feel better after one day of medicine. But not this time.  This time I didn’t feel better till after my protocol was over.  This made me feel old.  My body no longer recovered right away.  I was human…

Human?  You mean I’m not a super hero? WTF?

Old?  Too old to recover quickly?  WTF?

This was a rude awakening, which led me to my next revelation.  I need to take better care of myself.

When I first got the cold, I didn’t slow down.  I pushed my way through the cold.  I didn’t increase my sleep, I continued with my thousand activities and social commitments and chores.  I pushed myself, because that’s what I always do.

Big mistake.

Huge.

Because if I had rested when the cold started, it probably would not have turned into pneumonia.

Now I refer to my life as BP (before) and AP (after) because pneumonia was a giant wake up call: I need to take better care of myself.  I need to sleep more.  I need to make sure I eat properly.  And I need to impose limits on myself.  It’s fitting that this post comes the day after my discussion of my new planner, because I need to plan my life a little differently now.  I still have a long list of daily things that must get done- there are things that must get done on a daily basis.  But now, instead of cramming fifteen extra things, I choose a top three (I’ve always had a top three but now I stick to it).  If I am feeling OK, I will pull a few things off the list.  But if I’m tired, I rest.  If I’m tired I delegate.  If I’m tired I decide if it’s really that important.  I cross things off the list without doing them.

The delegation is hard for me.  It has nothing to do with my lack of self worth (see last week) but all about being independent and doing things my way and on my own schedule.  I am pretty persnickety about how I like things and I have to swallow hard when I watch my family fold clothes or unpack groceries.  I have to stop myself from rearranging the fridge shelves because they don’t do it the right way.  Because something had to change and that something is me.

So, I’m going to try to limit my slightly OCD tendencies (no- I am not diagnosed OCD, I just have certain behaviors that probably have some sort of OCD route) I’m going to try to be more mindful of my health.  I know me, and I know this will not be easy.  But I know that it’s what is best for me.

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The Comfy Blanket

I bought a blanket yesterday.  A throw actually, you know, it’s the kind of thing that sits on the edge of you bed or you couch, and you pull it over yourself as you sip your tea and read your book, maybe nibble on a cookie.  A soft, comfy blanket.

I know you’re now thinking, OMG, is she going to write a blog about buying a blanket?

Yes, I am.

I am a somewhat frugal person.  I try not to spend money unnecessarily. I also don’t like buying things on principal- I have a small apartment with very little storage space.  I’m pretty Kondo in that if I don’t love it I don’t buy it.  So I carefully weigh every purchase before I take out the plastic.

Now I have a throw that resides on my couch.  It’s a bit old, and a bit beat up, but it’s still functional.  Technically, I didn’t need a new one.  Technically.  But we had a run of below freezing temperatures.  I’d read a book about Hygge…..

Hygge.  Do you know about it?  It’s the Danish concept of warm and comfy.  They espouse scented candles, game nights, fireplaces, hot beverages, comfy clothes, and soft luxurious throws.  Yes.  A lifestyle philosophy that is all about comfort.  Sign me up.

So when I was shopping for practical things (my neck needed a new pillow badly) I managed to wander over to the blanket section.  It was like 15 degrees out, and I sat there rubbing my hands over all these blankets.  It would have been erotic if not for the fact I was in a large, florescent lit store, and the blankets were housed in industrial shelving.

But I didn’t buy the blanket.  I walked out of the store with my pillow but nothing else.

I dreamt about the blanket.  Seriously.  I woke up with visions of velvety soft blankets running through my head.  The good angel on one shoulder said “You don’t need the blanket.  Save the 24.99 minus the 20% off coupon.  That can be used for something else.”  Other shoulder, bad angel said “Oh just buy the freaking blanket.  It’s a blanket.  It’s practical.”

Yesterday, I caved.  I walked to the store.  You can actually blame that on the above freezing temperatures- I was thinking of it as exercise cause it takes 15 minutes to walk to the store.  I went to the lower level (see- you can make any sort of analogy you want about me having to descend to get the blanket).  I grabbed the blanket after I found the most luxurious one and sprinted up the escalator to the registers.  I was buying it before I changed my mind.

I walked home with a big smile on my face.

And last night,  I cut open the packaging, took the cardboard stays out, and just pushed my face into it.  Oh, the soft velvety feel on my face.  I put on my pajamas, brewed a pot of tea, grabbed my e reader and curled up on the couch.  I pulled the blanket over me.

So happy.

Sometimes you have to do something for yourself.  Sometimes you have to get exactly what you want.  I don’t mean shopping as therapy- I don’t believe in that.  But every now and them you’re allowed to have a treat.  My treat was this soft, luxurious wonderful blanket.  It just made me feel good.  And tonight, it will make me feel good.  And tomorrow…..

You get the idea.