Pre Season

One month from now, most of you will be giving up on your New Years resolutions. Seriously- think about it: On January first, the world is your oyster.  You are going to lose weight, drink less, exercise more, organize your closet, learn Mandarin…whatever.  And then, all of a sudden it’s December fourth and you’re done.

How do you change that mindset?

Think of it like this: do athletes just show up at the field/arena/stadium and play? Or do they start training weeks earlier?

Yeah….weeks earlier.  So when the season starts they are warmed up and ready and have a game plan.

So think of December as your pre season to New Years Resolutions.

  1. What? Pick one resolution (I call them goals) Think about it- It’s better to succeed at one then fail at four.
  2. Why? Make sure you want to change or resolve for the correct reasons (do you want to lose weight because you want to feel better, or because you think you will attract a partner if you’re thinner?)
  3. Who? Find a buddy to talk to about your resolution, or an expert that will give you logical advice.  Think about Doctors, trainers and teachers that can help you succeed.
  4. Where? Figure out if you need a place to help your goal.  Gym? Dedicated writing area? I know people who fail at writing goals because they don’t have a place to write that makes them feel comfortable to be creative.
  5. How? This is the big one.  How are you going to accomplish your resolution? Here’s my one cent: Make a plan. Figure out what tools you need. Look to the internet for advice (this is the good thing about the net- the plethora of information available at your fingertips) Write out the steps and put them in your planner (you know my secret goal is to get all of you to use a planner)
  6. When? When things get tough, when things don’t go the exact way you want (your triceps are still wiggly) what will be your motivation to get to the next step?

You don’t have to resolve to do anything- but let’s face it: most of us do. So if you’re going to set up a goal for 2019, you might as well prepare yourself the best you can. You can’t just wake up on January first and know how you’re going to learn Mandarin. Make it that January first starts your new timeline.  January One is the day you do a duolingo that you have already registered for.

Prep work.  It’s a good thing. It can help you get to where you are going.

 

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I Release You

Last month was “Give up your resolution Day”.  Today, I officially absolve you of your obligations and resolutions and goals that you have not done anything with.  After all, I’m the only one who really counts as far as forgiveness goes…

What?

No.  What other people think doesn’t matter.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive yourself for all the resolutions you set and didn’t follow through on.  It’s OK.

If you’re beating yourself up because you didn’t made it to the gym once, or cause your diet is stalled at page 4 of the new diet book, or your junk drawer is still filled with you know, junk….just stop.  What good is berating yourself going to do?

I love the idea of resolutions and goals.  And that’s part of the problem:  people love the idea of them.  They just don’t actually love doing the work they entail.

Why is this?  Well, people think they should be thinner.  Great.  But the process of getting thin is hard.  It requires a change in eating habits, an increase in exercise, in short: discipline.

There’s a lot of people out there who don’t do discipline.

Accept that about yourself.

It’s OK to not be disciplined.

Really.

Because when you stop feeling guilty about not having discipline, guess what?  You feel better about yourself.  And when you feel better about yourself, magical things happen.  When you feel better about yourself, you give yourself the freedom to go after the things you REALLY want, not the things you think you should want.

When you’re not feeling guilty, you allow yourself to feel happy.  You can’t be happy, fulfilled and guilty at the same time- your mind doesn’t work that way.   The guilt will weigh you down.  (There’s a theory about criminals:  if a guilty person is in the interrogation room they will be very calm, as opposed to the innocent person in the same room, who will be agitated.  When you know you’ve been caught, your mind automatically relaxes.  See what you learn from reading mystery books?)

So, throw out that piece of paper with your list on it.  Delete it from your phone.  Just be yourself.  Accept your strengths and your weaknesses.  Embrace them.

It’s Ok to not have a goal.  It’s OK to not want the same things as others.  It’s OK to be yourself, in whatever form that is.

The Future is Now

I don’t have resolutions.  People don’t tend to stick to resolutions- resolutions end as the month of February begins.  I always hate going to the gym in January- 1 million new members join and show up.  he gym gets crowded.  On February 1st, we will retain 5 new members.  The rest are just making the gym happy by paying dues.

I have goals.  I make a plan.  I break the goal into little steps.  I write those down in my planner.  These are my goals, both big and small.

  1. Last year, one of my new goals was to make sure I saw my 5 closest local friends once a month.  I did a great job with keeping that, though sometimes monthly wasn’t possible.  It was really nice being able to connect with my friends in real time as opposed to texting.
  2. Last year I also began unsubscribing to the random promotional emails I get.  I still have so many.  this year I plan on getting rid of the store emails.
  3. I am not shopping specifically because there is a sale.  I end up with things I do not want/need.  I would rather pay more for something I love.
  4. Eating healthy.  Of course there are many definitions of this, like, I ate blueberry crumble pie for breakfast the other day and I decided it was healthy because duh, blueberries and the topping was made of oats and nuts.  As far as my brain was concerned I was eating granola and fruit with milk. (I can’t have pie without whipped cream)
  5. Novel.  I plan on finishing my novel and 2nd draft.
  6. Literary agent.  Yes.  I need one.
  7. Blogging- 5 days a week assuming I have internet connection.
  8. Date nights with husband 1-2 times a week, one of those being couples/group date thing
  9. One activity with my daughter
  10. Dropping 12 pounds that crept up on me
  11. Knitting.  I’ve always wanted to learn
  12. Getting a little better at photography
  13. reading 50 books – (I fell a little short this year- I stand at 45- I may read 4 picture books and finish book I’m reading
  14. Organize blog reading time better.  I have so many blogs I want to read, but I need to find a better way to incorporate reading them.  This is a work in progress cause i don’t know the best way yet
  15. Trying to be a little more stylish.  No idea how I’m going to break this up into little pieces and plan it out.  This could be a tough one. (says the woman currently in a stained sweatshirt, leggings and faux fur lined boots- it’s 15 degrees in NYC but feels like 2 in my apartment)
  16. Try different teas.  I tend to get into a tea rut where I drink my old standbys.  I want to be more adventurous.
  17. Exercise at least 5 days a weeks and make sure I do weights at least twice.  I tend to do my cardio but I’m really bad at the weights thing, but I know it’s necessary
  18. Ok- this isn’t a goal but an anecdote of sorts.  My daughter, though a battle worn and urbane 16 year old, also has a soft, whimsical side.  In NYC we have internet kiosks, places on street corners that used to house pay phones now have places where you can charge your device or scroll the internet.  On Christmas Eve these kiosks had a special call Santa feature.  As we walked home from the restaurant where we had family dinner, My daughter asked me to come with her to “Call Santa.”  We smiled as the Santa voice came on and asked if she’d been good (questionable) and what she wanted.  She smiled and laughed, the 5 year old coming out in her eyes, and she said “Santa, how about putting a good word for me at ___________( the impossible to get into college she wants).  The Early action decisions come out before Christmas next year.”  So this isn’t a goal, it isn’t a wish, it’s just me knowing I have to put on my Mom pants in 2018 and help my kid in whatever capacity she needs me- so I need the strength to help her.

 

Happy New Year to you all and hoping 2018 is spectacular.