I’ve been thinking about love- obviously- I wrote two posts about it last week. And while there are many positive descriptions and feelings about it, and most people enjoy the feelings associated with it, there are plenty of negative associations. So today, I’m going to talk about the dark side…..
Unrequited love- when one person loves someone, but the feelings aren’t reciprocated. I once had a boyfriend. He told me he loved me (ah swoon) and I responded in kind. His response back was “Well, I hope so. That’s how it’s supposed to work.” He wasn’t being flip, but his feeling was that it’s only love if both sides feel the same way. He felt that one sided love wasn’t love, but delusion, because love is reflective- you give and you get. We come to the first question of the day: is it love if it’s only one sided?
I must admit, I think this old boyfriend was right. How can you actually love someone who doesn’t feel same way? Sure – there could be really deep feeling….but is that love, or a crush? If you’re constantly going above and beyond for someone who might not necessarily be doing the same thing, is it love or obsession? ( I know- we’re now starting to get into the tricky what is love area, but I’m not posting quotes today…..) Love should be about two people sharing mutual feelings- whatever guise that is.
But at least I’ve answered the cheeseburger dilemma, as the cheeseburger does not love me back, so we can safely say that I am obsessed with cheeseburgers….
Now let’s talk about when love ends….break ups and divorce. How does love so quickly become so devastatingly nasty? Well, humans can be pretty crappy to one another- I think we know that. But how can you treat someone you once loved with so much contempt? Fighting over objects? Being overly critical in front of your shared children? But- I often wonder…..were the two people really in love? (I know, I know- we’re back to the what is love question again- I can’t help it- it’s a vicious circle)
I got married youngish, and I got divorced. My ex husband was not a good person. He did some despicable things. But in hindsight, I don’t think I ever loved him. I don’t think he loved me either. I had all sorts of stupid reasons as to why I married him, which are enough for a 3 volume set, so we’re not going to go down that road today….but suffice to say- it probably wasn’t a love match. Now, when I actually got married I thought I loved him, but my view of love was a bit skewed, and again, all sorts of emotional baggage at work here. So next point- if people break up, were they really in love to begin with?
What about cheating? If you love your partner, why would you have an affair? Sure, sex is sex- I get that-but If you have an affair, does that mean you don’t love your partner?
So this sort of brings me to my next point- what if you talk yourself into love? There are many reasons you might do this: you got pregnant, you want to get pregnant, you want to be married…..for whatever reason- you think that you need love to complete a goal…..Now, you might end up with the baby, or the wedding ring, but are you happy? Should you talk yourself into “love” because it completes your to do list?
I know there are all sorts of love/ physical-emotional abuse things- but I am not qualified to talk about that. I do not even come close to understanding the dynamics involved in relationships like this, so that subject is off the table.
So thoughts? Questions? What did I miss?
I’m very interested in ideas and questions that I don’t think computers can solve- for now anyway- I’m reading the new Dan Brown and am beginning to think that computers will be able to answer everything- and RIP Tom Petty…..
Peace and love to all! Well, maybe love. Depends on how we define it……