A few weeks ago I wrote I post – “The Grand Gesture”. I was not happy with how this post turned out. It didn’t convey the message that I was trying to express. Now I’ve written a lot of posts in my short blogging career, and obviously some were better than others. But, I was always proud of them because for better or worse, they said what I wanted them to say. Until The Grand Gesture. I realized the problem with the post was that I was holding back on something: I had an idea in my head but I wasn’t ready to share that idea with the world. And it reflected in my writing. Now, I’m still not sharing the catalyst for that post, but I do have an anecdote that I think will help convey my message. If for any reason it doesn’t, expect a take three in about ten days….
When I was in my twenties I was still unformed. OK- I’m still unformed- so let’s say I was a big ball of goo back then. I met a guy. I went out with this guy. And one day we were walking home from a party and he said “Ok. Let’s do this. When do you want to get married.” No ring. No prepared speech. No dinner. Not even really a question. In my very gooey brain, I thought- wow- he must love me. He cut through all the romance and the nonsense and just cut right to the chase.
Needless to say, he would eventually become my ex husband.
So what did I learn from this experience? First off, I may have been at the forefront of a brilliant career, and I may have been really great at my job, but personally I was a mess. I had no idea how to navigate a relationship. I had about a thousand licenses from various government agencies saying that I could be trusted with your money, but I could not be trusted with making rational decisions of the heart. I thought that nonchalance equated to love. I later realized that nonchalance equated to not giving a damn.
Enter: The Grand Gesture.
I think if you love someone you must do something big to show it. Now, big is a relative term. It does not have to be renting out the scoreboard at a sporting event. It does not have to be hosting a party for a thousand of your closest acquaintances. Expensive jewelry need not apply. What big is in this circumstance is meaningful. You must present the one that you love with something meaningful. And meaningful means different things to different people.
You must present the one you love with something meaningful that is unique to their personality and is an expression of your love of them.
You must create an intimacy that is specific to your relationship.
Because you need to show that person how much they mean to you.
All relationships go through ups and downs. Obviously, the ups are easy to ride out- it’s all rainbows and unicorns. But the downs. How do you get through the downs? What is the thing that makes weathering the downs bearable? I think it’s that expression of love that holds you through- the memory of an event, that piece of whatever they gave to you- I think that expression of love is what makes you remember what you are fighting for. And sometimes you need a reminder of what you are fighting for.
So no matter what stage of a relationship you are in, show the person you’re with how much they mean to you. Tell them. I don’t think there’s a limit to how many times you can show someone that you care, that they mean the world to you, that you love them. Just make it meaningful, from the heart. And make it something your person with like.
Solid relationships. Appreciation. Love. These are not things to be nonchalant about. These are things to cherish.