Remember the day you met your partner?
You saw each other across a room, eyes locked, the crowds parted so the two of you could meet…
They touched your hand, and said “Will you be mine forever?”
It didn’t happen like that?
You didn’t just meet and become partners?
You dated first?
Who would think that you date before you have a relationship?
Ok- enough with the hijinks…you meet someone you’re interested in. You date. Many times you move in together. You’re a couple. There are stages to a relationship: meet, get to know one another, fall in love, commit, cohabitate. That’s pretty much the cycle when two people become one…
So if we ‘date’ beforehand, why don’t we ‘date’ during?
Dating is a way to get to know one another, spend time together as a couple. Have fun, flirt, create memories…why would we stop?
Dating is making an effort to be in the moment with a partner. Making an effort. Shouldn’t the hallmark of any relationship be making an effort with one’s partner?
There are all different types of dates: some are extravagant, others low key. Some require planning, or they can be spur of the moment. Some require doing what the partner likes but you might not necessarily like. while others can be something you both love. Some can be as simple as playing a game at home, or watching a movie on Netflix (chill optional), while others could be going out to the theater. My definition of date is any time the two people involved in a relationship are together without distraction.
Shouldn’t we want to be with our partner without distraction?
There might be a thousand reasons why you say that you don’t ‘date’ your partner.
But shouldn’t you want to date your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together?
In the beginning of a relationship, you look forward to seeing them, talking, touching, being with them…
Time goes by….
You should still want to talk, touch and be with your partner…
If you don’t want to- think about what that means…
When you are both at home, how much time do you spend together?
Let me clarify: I think it is really important that people have their own interests. I am the queen of alone time. If I don’t have time to be by myself I spontaneously combust. I need a bath, or time to read or create. We all know I can’t blog if the husband is around…
when you and your partner are both home, are you often in different rooms?
Do you go an evening with barely saying a word to one another?
Do you know what is going on in your partners life?
Do you care what is going on in your partners life?
Is the way you and your partner interact OK with you?
Is the way your relationship is the way you want it to be?
If you have gone to the trouble to choose “THE ONE” then try to make it the best relationship possible. Make the effort with your partner. Be with them.
If you don’t want to make an effort, be with them physically, emotionally and intellectually, ask yourself why. And then ask yourself if this is how you want your life to play out…