If you were to write a dating profile today…how authentic would you be?

Would you admit your age?

Your height?

How would you describe your body?

I could almost end the post here, let you ruminate on how your dating profile would look…but this is only 45 words, so let’s continue….

Recently blog friend Janie talked about going on internet dates, and by this I mean in real life dates with someone she met on a dating website. She wondered aloud how similar the profile would be to the actual person who would sit across from her at Starbucks later that week… I told her that everyone lies on those things: I have no internet dating experience but enough friends to have an inkling of what you see and what you get. (I also watched Dirty John, but that’s a whole other thing…)

So would you lie? Stretch the truth? Embellish?

What’s the socially acceptable limit you can push a dating profile so that it’s mainly true?

How authentic would you be on a dating app?

If I were to write one (and every time my husband doesn’t put something back where it belongs I get a step closer…) would I write:

Short, formerly attractive chunky woman seeks someone who is perfectly acceptable of a menopausal 55 year old and all she has to offer. Lives off lists and schedules. Must watch movies, and must know who Dorian Grey is if asked. Likes to cook but hates cleaning up after. Very chatty and probably won’t let you get a word in.

or

Curvy yet petite woman of a certain age seeks man who enjoys culture, fine food, and simple walks through nature. The conversation would flow as we would never lack for things to discuss.  Hoping for someone to plan a future with, one step at a time.

or

Mrs. Robinson has nothing on me. I walk the walk and talk the talk. You will always know exactly what is going to happen when I’m around. Lush and sensual and waiting to be pleased…are you game?

So which profile is the most accurate? We won’t ask which one is the best because clearly I have NO IDEA how to write a dating profile, but you get the gist. When you are trying to impress someone, how authentic are you? Which type of ad would I be most likely to use? Which type of ad would secure me a date?

What is the line between showing who you are authentically versus highlighting your strengths and downplaying your weaknesses?

I am chatty. Do I include that in my profile? If I omit it, is it lying? You would think that I would search out someone who values loquaciousness, sees it as an asset not a liability. But how many guys want a woman who TALKS ALL THE TIME? Who has an OPINION ON EVERYTHING? If I’m authentic, I include these factoids. If I want a date however, do I?

Here’s your homework. Write a dating (friendship) profile. How authentic is your blurb?

and the larger question:

Does it matter if you are authentic on a profile?

 

 

64 thoughts on “The Authentic Dating Profile

  1. Before my husband and I got together, I did try a dating site. I was very honest about who I am. But I know many of the men were not. They omitted things such as being unemployed. All they seemed to include was their athletic prowess which I’m sure was exaggerated. The funny thing is, I rejected several because of their grammar and height and ended up marrying someone with terrible grammar and who is no taller than me. The things that attract me to him are not things you’d find in a profile. How can anyone present their authentic self in a paragraph and get dates that turn into something real?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have a fair amount of experience in this arena and my comment would be longer than your post if I wrote all of my stories, but I will share this. My first profile was created at the demands of a good friend. She was right, there’s very few ways to meet men organically at a certain age.
    A few examples:
    Men whose pictures were from over 10 years ago 🙄
    Men who were still living with their “soon-to-be” ex wife 🙄
    One guy who clearly hadn’t written his own profile – his grown children must have written it. 🙄
    Men who listed schools where the had taken a class but not graduated 🙄
    More than a few age inappropriate men who would have loved your Mrs Robinson profile 😉
    Men who said they “owned” their house but were underwater on their mortgage and didn’t own anything. 🙄
    One man who wouldn’t come inside my house because he was afraid of my dog at the time, a geriatric Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who was the calmest, sweetest canine on the planet. 🙄
    ~~~~~~~
    Honesty is a trait that doesn’t get listed on many profiles but if someone can list it and the rest of their profile proves it, they’re quite a catch.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree as you get older meeting new people organically does become harder. I’ve tried online dating with mixed results, I spent a lovely afternon with my date a single mother of teen children and she told me some real horror stories, from a guy who wanted to transfer money through her bank account, to another who didn’t resemble his profile picture. She’d had enough of speed dating likening it akin to a cattle market and I did feel quite sorry for her, she desperately wished to find a genuine partner and couldn’t find him. As for us, alas cupid didn’t fire his arrow that afternoon but we did spend a lovely afternoon together enjoying a picnic in the sun. Hmm I’m in two minds whether to start a fresh🤔

      Incidentally we met from blogging on WordPress, and without question the most honest and fun online date I’ve been on…. In fact the most enjoyable date I’ve ever been on ever!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Someone asked me recently, when they learned I was divorced, if I was dating.
    I laughed out loud!
    I don’t want to travel down that road, have no intention of traveling down that road, and most definitely would not use social media if I became tempted to travel down that road.

    I honestly believe that no one is completely authentic in these situations. I liken dating profiles to houses listed for sale. When have you ever seen a home falling in on itself in need of repairs listed as anything but “a charming fixer upper with GREAT potential for the handiest of people looking for a challenge”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s so much like a job interview to me.

    I was never good at popularity contests or running for class offices. I’ve always hoped that whoever actually read my profile would be similar (or compatible) -meaning, just as awkward and loathing the process just as much.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I went on Yahoo Dating before Match bought it. It was twenty bucks a month and the first month was okay, two dates. After that, I totally changed my profile up- light hearted, cheeky and romantic. I enjoyed it immensely after that. I suspended it a couple times when I met a woman where I just wanted to see where it went, and I didn’t keep it going once I got my dating legs back. It was enjoyable.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Are you kidding? You come across as real, smart and straight forward. You write to us as if we’re talking to you on the phone and you’re giving us the what’s what. Straight up and unfiltered.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha ha you are so funny!

    I have been reading both Cougar blogs (dating women post divorce, post kids) who address this in great detail, as well as other, similar blogs that touch on this exact thing, and then some. (Read, excruciatingly detailed in personal ways…) 🙂

    I will come back to this, I’d love to write some dating profiles of myself. But I wonder, how toned down I’d have to keep it here (or in the blog world in general) – meaning, I would shy away from complete authentic truth to some degree, this being the internet and all. But first, I just got home from boot camp and I need to shower. 🙂

    PS another thought: have you ever developed a friendship online and then one day you met? Say a fellow blogger? If you got along well online and then meet in person, did you have certain expectations? Did they? Did they match up? If selfies were shared, did they match up in real life? I have some experience with this, but haven’t processed enough to actually write a post on this topic. But it relates, somewhat, to the topic at hand: authentic behavior, and truth.

    Later!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! I have an online and real life friendship with Jay, a book blogger. He is exactly what you would expect from reading his blog. I also met the blogger who blogs as Forgiving Connects, and she is exactly as advertised. But you’re right…this might be a good topic to explore

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ugh! I really don’t think I could go through all of that again. YEARS ago when I was doing this, the site I used was mostly a whole lot of relatively simple questions that had mostly simple answers rather than writing up what seems to equate to a personal life resume. I found that so much easier, but still… so many people really didn’t find it easy to answer those questions honestly. While most probably did it for all the wrong reasons, others, had legitimate or at least rational reasons to not be completely honest.

    When I first attempted the site, I felt the need to keep a kind of personal barrier between the real me and the “anyone on this site can see details of who I am”. It was more of a need to attempt to protect myself from the genuinely creepy (because at that time, all those years ago, only the really “desperate” or “weird” would do online dating). I didn’t want it to be easy to find me unless I got to know the person and wanted give them more personal details. I posted that older photo. I didn’t use my real zip code. Those kinds of things. It took me a while to understand why the photo at least wasn’t all that helpful.

    Doing the whole online thing is a very messy, mixed ball. You want to create a level of safety for yourself, but you also want to be genuine. Sometimes it isn’t always easy to find that balance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m always amazed when people really meet their partner this way. Personally, I don’t think it’s for me…but you never know what’s in store for you. I had trouble writing an About statement for my blog…I don’t know how I would ever navigate online dating

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ugh! It is not a ton of fun, but it worked really well for me (I did meet Hubby online). Part of that was because I needed something different, needed to know that the person took the time to get to know me, not just my appearance. Online dating gave me that. I absolutely hated parts of it, like the talking about myself (and yes, the About page on my blog has been a pain and constantly goes through changes). Thinking about having to go through it all again just sounds like absolute torture, especially with how different it is now compared to what I experienced.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’d say you have to be pretty authentic because once an actual date is planned the truth will have to come out, especially with regard to appearances, and if you lied on appearances then in my mind the whole package is suspect. No way am I entering that arena if anything happens to my hubby, I’m done. It takes to long to train them and I am no longer in the mood for that.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. It kind of reminds me of the LinkedIn Profiles: you know when you are idealistic and you search for the perfect job. Some of the people have some interesting content in their bios but I am certain some exalt their profile. “Content Designer” I guess it is a job but it sounds more glamours then I rewrite and write, mostly in a room by myself. Educational consultant, Program director or coordinator, reality can be fudged. The thing is to not take it literally when you are unhappy with your job or want a more exciting time. Authentic is not a word we hear lately.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m not sure it matters which profile you submit, you’ll still end up with unwanted dick pics! I have several girlfriends who have come off internet dating because a lot of guys didn’t want dates/relationships they just wanted no responsibility bonking!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I get hives just thinking about dating sites. When I become a widow, I’m not certain I’ll be looking for a replacement. Me and the dog….yep….sounds much easier. HE’s authentic!! I laughed at your first profile. Probably very accurate for most of us! The second one gives just enough to pique interest. The third…..um….no. 🙂 I know a few people who’ve met their current spouse on these sites, but my thought is Buyer Beware. Fun post. Now I’ll have to try and write one for myself. Should i leave out the part that I’m passive aggressive? xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Well, it’s a safe bet I will never be writing a dating profile – I do not ever plan to go there again. A long time ago, I did run a personal ad in the newspaper (yeah a loooong time ago). I met some nice guys, but no one was truly honest in their letters and I never dated any of them seriously. I do know people (including a cousin) who found their spouse online, but I would have to just go the old-fashioned route – meeting at the bookstore, for example.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I met my husband through a dating app. And what we found was that we both wrote the exact truth about ourselves. But you’re right, people tend to embellish/lie. I had a friend who knew exactly how to pose for a picture without showing that she was overweight. She knew her angles. But the way I see it is that she’s just fooling herself. A lot of the guys she ended up going out with would never call her back. If she only told the truth, I’m sure she would have found someone who would’ve wanted another date. However, in my experience, despite my being honest on my profile, I still got the occasional messages that asked me if I were real and if I could add another picture so that they can be sure it was me. My response: Let’s say I was faking my photos… let’s say the photos were of my sister, I could still easily lie and take a quick picture of my sister. So either they trust that it’s me or not. I’m glad I never lied on the app, or else I wouldn’t have met my husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the thing…people who are honest usually end up meeting someone they like…the people that fudge stuff don’t normally get their desired result. I get that no one wants to have no one respond to them, but sometimes you have to accept who you are. That’s what helps you begin a relationship, the being happy with who you are

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Enjoyed the post. Online profiles in general allow viewers wayyy more freedom to inject what they want to believe – the good, bad, and anything btween. When you meet in real life though, you get so much more info to work with that it’s a lot easier to see how authentic a person is to their posted profile- either how true to the word they are, or how far off your interpretation of their words.

    Somebody else mentioned this too, but it’s fascinating to see how much a person’s blog authentically represents the blogger. I could write all day about this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m thinking about blogging about my About page to see how many people think it’s accurately represents what I post, and if they think it’s similar to me. I met one of my blogger friends irl, and he is exactly how he comes across in his blog.

      Like

  15. I never reveal personal details about myself that include any numbers. I write authentically about what happens to me and how I handle things, but to quantify myself seems too revealing– and unnecessary. Therefore I doubt if you’d ever see me on a dating site. But great question.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Knowing some people who have done this, I think it is all about what you are looking for in a particular stage in your life. Young, you probably are a little less truthful but as you judge your time you figure out that you really don’t want anyone wasting your time or you wasting theirs.

    Liked by 1 person

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