On the road to mindfulness I discovered an unexpected roadblock: my family. As often the case, husband and daughter just insert themselves into my life. They are both the reason I need to be mindful, and the obstacle blocking my enlightenment.

Ok.  Not really.  I think you all know that I am stubborn enough to get down to doing whatever I need to do.  But that doesn’t mean it’s always an easy route.  And sometimes my family…

Husband is a rusher. He never takes the time to savor anything.  His usual choice of phrase it “What’s the ETA?” In the morning he is often quoted as saying “How long do you need?” He has an almost pathological need to be first- if something opens at 9am he wants to be there at 859 to help unlock the door.  Now, while I know that sometimes you need to be someplace at a certain time, he could do this to us on a day where we have nothing in store.  On Sunday mornings I like to go to a body conditioning class.  Class is at 915, hour long, home by 1030- and it takes me an hour to get ready. (you had to know I know exactly how long it takes me to get ready) Even if we have nothing to do on a Sunday, he will get irritated that we’re not “starting” our day till 1130. (those of you who know me know that I’ve probably done at least three other things on any Sunday morning including laundry)

It’s hard to be mindful when someone is rushing you.

And being a parent….Is there anything worse for your piece of mind than being a parent? Whenever I get almost to a point of being chill (remember I said almost- we know I’m never actually chill) in pops the child with some request. Can you…will you…would you…please…I need….come here….The language of a child is anti mindfulness…they will not let your mind rest. And even when they’re not physically there, how often do you think about them?

Claudette wrote a post the other day about her wish to be alone sometimes. I was right there with her building a playhouse for one in my imagination. There was an episode of Big Bang earlier this season where Bernadette actually starts hanging out in her kids playhouse in the backyard because the Mom/Wife/Employee badge was becoming more of a weight around her psyche.  How can you be mindful if the weight of the household and world is on your shoulders?

(on a funny note- as I was halfway through writing this post my Husband started hounding me to help him…I don’t know what I was thinking- how can he possibly pick out a shirt to go with his grey, black or navy slacks…..)

It’s nice to be needed, but those who are needed need time to get their head together. I realize that I control my own destiny, but my present includes other people.  I’m trying to find the balance (there’s that word again) between helping my family and helping myself. We must coexist, but it’s often easier said than done. Hoping to come up with some thoughts on how to actually accomplish this.  I like a good goal…

 

 

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39 thoughts on “Mindful the Gap

  1. I hear you. We all need our personal space, but I think that means different things to different people. Like being needed. The older I get the more I need time alone to do things that make me happy that don’t interest my husband a bit. Like writing. And you have to make time. Even if they insist on asking you something every 5 minutes.

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  2. Interesting! My husband has retired earlier than me and he still receives treatment for cancer but is doing well. Our roles have changed and he does more house things. Now I am the one who is color blind asking, “Will this go together?” We share a car and he needs the car, so he drops me off at work as parking costly where I work at the University. It can be challenging but we are a couple and we try to stay on time with one another. I hate to have anyone waiting for me but the way it is now, sometimes that is how the penny rolls.

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      1. We are saving for a new car. I stay pretty busy myself! And so does my husband, you wouldn’t know he is retired. The house projects are looking good, particularly the outside. Yesterday, I got picked up from work and we had trouble with the car. Can’t wait to get a better one. One less worry.

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  3. I am alone right now, they’re all out which is why I was able to read this post and comment all in one sitting without any interruption whatsoever! 🙂

    Yes. But it’s all a fleeting thing. Part of me is petrified of the empty nest, the other…looking forward to it.

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  4. It’s hard because we’ve been there for these people for.so long and now we want.to.change course and do a little something for ourselves and it throws everything off kilter. We just have to be gentle with ourselves (and them) because we are learning something new. It takes patience (which I dont have a lot of) and time and redirecting. I take it day by day and pick my battles.

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  5. Love this post…just this morning I was trying to figure out how to be mindful while dealing with my teenager’s angst and mood swings….I think I will build myself a playhouse too or maybe a condo….

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  6. Many years ago my husband came home from a conference at which a psychologist had tested members of management to discover their “types”. He and I, along with our two teenagers were in the car when he asked, out of the blue, “Do y’all know I’m not a patient person?” Silence ensued and then the kids and I burst out laughing. Of course we knew Mr. “Hurry Up We’re Going to be Late” wasn’t a patient person, but he’d always thought he was. It took a professional to teach him otherwise and that kind of changed our lives.

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