I don’t do resolutions: I set goals.  I try to figure out areas of my life that need help, and then I attempt to fix them, sometimes more successfully than others. In the upcoming year, my goal is to get better at relationships.

What do I mean by better at relationships? On the surface it would appear that I do OK in that department.  I have reasonably successful relationships with numerous people: friends, family, partners, etc.  I have a fatal flaw involving relationships though.  I tend to push people away.

Luckily, I have been blessed with friends who just push their way in and keep nudging, friends who hold onto the back of you collar tightly and pull you back into the fold. But you see, I’m really good at pushing away the people in my life that matter. Do you know how the majority of my closest friends found out that my Dad has cancer?  In my blog. I can talk about a lot of things (trust me- I can talk) but I have trouble talking about the most important things. I don’t particularly like opening myself up. I have trouble letting people in.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I feel that if I let someone in, they might hurt me. Ironically, I end up getting hurt anyway- because who wants to be friends with someone not committed to a friendship.

So, I’m going to concentrate of talking less about silly things, and more about things that matter. I’m going to listen better- I don’t think I’m a particularly good listener. And I’m going to try to let the people that mean the most to me into my world. I think it’s worth the risk.

 

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50 thoughts on “Relationship Goals

  1. I have trust issues due to past abuses and sometimes it’s easier to keep certain doors locked. others can open all of these other doors that view into my life but there are some doors that more than likely than likely always remain closed.

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  2. Relationships is one focus area on my vision cards too. My husband can talk to anyone at any time (even strangers) and I have a hard time staying connected to my friends. I didn’t realize how introverted I was until a few years ago. I thought I was just a busy mom with no time for a social life. I do try to verbalize with my immediate family if I am having problems but I do tend to wait until I’ve thought of a solution myself rather than getting input from them I don’t want. At least you are realizing there is an issue and are looking into ways to change it. That’s a step in the right direction!

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  3. I think it might depend on the place you live in also. New Yorkers are not notoriously friendly. I know when I moved from the City, I was a little paranoid over stranger saying hi to me. Guaranteed, looking back, it was my likely my age and good looks in my late 20’s. Smile.

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  4. It’s definitely worth the risk but I understand why you feel this way. Everyone can’t be trusted and when you’ve been hurt or betrayed once by a so-called friend you never forget it. You don’t have to let everyone in but select only a few or maybe just one trusted friend to let in completely. Being a good listener is a good skill to acquire. “Know this, my beloved brothers: Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19)

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  5. Great post. Definitely relatable.

    I love people and enjoy spending time with them. But over the years, I have pulled away. There is a part of me that keeps a wall up and finds it difficult to let me in. I know it’s due to past hurts, so I am working on changing that.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You have definitely conquered the first step which is normally the hardest and that’s admitting you have shortcomings that need to be addressed. I know you will succeed, you seem determined and sounds like you have good friends who not only understand you, but will support you.. thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

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