Last week I talked about a comment made to me on the street- “Nice Ass Grandma”. Several people commented on the remark for its rudeness and sexual connotation and how it’s demeaning to women.  And I agree with all of it.

But….

I don’t like any rude remarks regardless of what they represent.  I don’t think anyone should ever say anything rude to anyone else.  Pretty much ever.

Have I said rude things? You bet.  Have I regretted them? 99% of the time.  Sometimes I have been treated so poorly I don’t think I was rude enough in my response. So I’ve been rude and people have been rude towards me.

However- do you know the rude behavior regarding my physical appearance to be the most annoying? When someone comments on my height.  I am five feet two inches tall on a good day.  Which is under average.  Which makes me short. Do you know how many comments I’ve received about being short? I don’t- but I know it outnumbers every other thing said to me.  And the people who have commented on my height are all backgrounds, race, religion and sex.  Some were outright mocks, some were backhanded compliments, and some were just plain obnoxious.  All of them bothered me.

So here’s my question for today: Why do people feel the need to say something, anything about another person? Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do they just have an innate desire to not be a nice person?

Now- I’m going to skip to other types of rude behavior.  Do you know who has made the comments that have affected me the most?  My Mother. My Mother has made the rudest comments to me, the ones that hurt me the most deeply.  You want to know why I spend so much time talking about parenting, trying to be a better parent? Because I know how much a parent influences their child.

Do you the next group of people who make the rudest comments to me are?  My inlaws.  I am treated with disdain pretty much every time I interact with them.  there is not an occasion when they have not said at least one rude comment.

So here’s the thing about rude behavior.  It’s everywhere, and spoken by everyone.

How do we stop it?  Well, we each have to stop being rude to one another. If every person doesn’t actively make the effort to be kind to others we will never rid bad behavior.

 

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92 thoughts on “That Was Rude

  1. what’s wrong with 5′ 2″? Nothing. I’m 5′ 7″ and I’ve been putting up with “size” comments for years and it came from men and women. I’ve never figured out why 5′ 9″, 5′ 10″ or 6’+ was the magic number for a guy’s height in this country. At the end of the day, I don’t have a problem with my height nor does it define who I am. I don’t have the problem; someone else does which makes them petty and insecure in my opinion. but we can”t stop rude behavior or rude comments from people now can we?

    c’est la vie!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. nah. it’s human nature for some people to knowingly or unknowingly to try to assert their will or dominance over other people. some do it physically and others do it verbally. at the end of the day it’s still nothing more than an expression of being a bully or an expression of their own insecurities.

        in the meanwhile, put on your best short skirt and your highest heels and go show off your good stuff cuz it’s an expression of confidence that you know that you’ve still got it going on. I wouldn’t wolf whistle or comment cuz Momma raised me different butI’d still look and think “Hot Daaaayyyummmm! wouldja look at that??? Mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmm!”

        Yeh, I know but I’m a guy. what I say? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I always thought I was 5’1 and 3/4″. But if the doc’s measurer is to be believed, I have lost half an inch in the last few years. But weirdly, no one has ever commented on my height – only my weight (which I lost 65 pounds of over the past few years, but in a bout of depression and Easter candy, regained 15 .I’m working on it). I’ve been rude so often I’ve lost count even though I think of myself as trying to be nicer. I’ve often been rude without realizing it, or caused offense for reasons I don’t understand. Apparently for some people, just having a personality is reason for offense. Whatever. When I fail to live up to my own expectations I feel ashamed, and then I suck it up and resolve to try harder to hold my tongue next time. Which didn’t work, when the lady at the ballet was using her cellphone ten minutes into the performance. 🤬🤐Curses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have had so many comments on my height. And two of my closest friends are my height and shorter, and we’ve ev3n teased one another about it. But it’s annoying. People want to literally pick you up. And yeah… rude comments….sometimes…..

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  3. LA, I’m 5’2″ tall too and I love my height. Of course, when I’m reaching for the top shelf at the grocery store, it’s not a blessing. So when anyone rudely talks about my height, it doesn’t bother me because I like me the way I am and I don’t care what others think of something I can’t change (except when I wear stilettos which is rare). But rudeness is an epidemic these days. I agree with you. And yes, my former inlaws and my own brother can be very rude to me too. Perhaps that’s just what narcissists do because they have to find fault. As for everyday people, friends and strangers, I am slowly learning to disregard other people’s opinions when I know they aren’t right about what they’re saying. It’s only a reflection of their thoughts and I don’t have to hold that for one second longer. Neither do you. Rejoice in being your amazing self! You are parenting in the best way and I applaud you! Humbug to the naysayers who are rude. Ignore them. They know not what they do – and if they do know – then ignore them even more….except when you hear you have a nice a$$…that’s a compliment! LOL Just kidding…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so with you on everything you say!! And I’m ok with ,y nice a$&…😉. But people don’t even realize how cruel they can be! We all should stop and think about what we’re about to say before we say it

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  4. Oh, and regarding being short…I can stand up straight from the window seat of a plane, when everyone else is bent over, ducking, waiting to spring into the aisle to retrieve their “belongage” (daughter’s mash up word, I love it) from the overheads. So there’s that – Bonus!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I try really hard not to be rude and I’ve been getting better about calling out my husband or other people if they say something resembling that in my presence. I don’t understand the fascination that everyone has with appearances.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow! A Really good post. You mentioned many thoughts and comments that I can relate to.
    I was, (and I say was because I have shrunk in the last couple of years), 5’3″ since I was 11 years old. I was the tallest girl in my class in 3rd, 4th and 5th grade. My parents thought I would be tall. It turns out that both my brother and I reached our full heights by 11 or 12. So, while I was once considered tall, I never grew an inch since 5th grade. I considered myself average height growing up. At my 50th high school reunion all my best gal pals and I lined up and took a group picture. We all wore flats and we all were still the same size. I never thought of myself as short until high school when I wanted to model. I was a local teen model in Jordan Marsh Dept. stores and would lie and say I was 5’5″ because I wore two inch heels. (The famous model Twiggy at the time was only 5’4″ so she was only one inch taller than I.) In high school I did a teen fashion spread with Seventeen magazine and their models ranged from 5’5″ to 5’7″. That was life in the late 1960s and early 70’s. Height expectations were shorter. I did runway modeling and photographic modeling but in college when fashion magazines came down to University of Miami, and I was on the fashion board, they took an individual shot of me, however by then models were getting taller and the photographer was honest telling me that I photographed extremely well, but I was too short to model professionally since the style of modeling in those days were group shots and I was significantly shorter than the other girls. THAT was when I started noticing my height problem!! My friends were ALL my size. Everyone was 5’2″, 5’3″ or 5’4″. It was the average height for girls when I was growing up. And unless you were in the fashion industry nobody said you were short. My mom was 5’2″ eyes of blue – like the song. Her mom was 5’6″ so she and I were the shortest women in the family.
    I wore heels all during my teaching career and everyone thought I was taller. After I retired and had an accident I took to wearing flats. I can’t tell you how many friends were shocked to see how little I really was without my 2 or 3 inch heels. I recently discovered that I am now 5’2″ and yes, that is little compared to many girls today. But it isn’t for women of my generation. Just like all the women a decade or so older than I were shorter than I was. Height has changed. I was never teased about my height, I just was told by a photographer to go into acting or being in front of a camera in a different way because I was very photogenic. And that was that. Turns out I chose a different profession – teaching, so my height didn’t matter.
    But, I CAN so relate to your mother being your biggest critic. Mine was as well. “Get those bangs out of your eyes, your hair is too long, your dress is too short, you will get fat if you eat that, blah blah blah.” I never felt secure. Oh, and my mother would tell me to cover up a pimple if she saw one coming on. And did you get this line??? “You look tired today dear. You have dark circles under your eyes. Go cover that up. And put some blush on my friends are doing over.”
    Our mothers can influence how we see ourselves. As I grew older I understood that she had a mother who criticized her too and therefore she did the same to me. I recently found her diary and at 15 she wrote, “My mom and my aunts were talking about how skinny I was right in front of me!. Don”t they think that a 15 year old has feelings and can hear every word they say? ” Ironic that she did the same to me. And yet she hated when it was done to her.
    As far as your in laws….
    Ive been married twice so I had it double… One of my mother in laws said, “You have too much eye brow pencil on dear.” I informed her I wasn’t wearing any. That shut her up!
    And my second mom in law was a bigot. She never forgave her son for marrying a Jewish girl. Her rudest comment was. “Why is it that YOUR people are always so loud and rude on trips when they travel?” I asked her if she asked each person their faith? She said no. Then I proceeded to tell the “Witch”, “Then how did you know what religion they were if they weren’t wearing yellow arm bands? The nerve of her! The minute her son left the room she’d say something nasty. I learned with her that I had to dish it right back to her other wise she would zing me all the time.

    I think some people are just nasty and hurtful and their own insecurities make them say cruel things. The older I get, I just tell people, “I find that comment offensive and hurtful. Please don’t talk like that around me.” It usually shocks them into stopping. If not, I try to avoid them. But, I don’t take any shit any more. It isn’t worth it.
    Sorry this is so long…. you brought back some troubling memories…. I’m so glad you make your daughter feel positive about herself. So you flipped it around and turned bad into good!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I totally agree that a large portion of rude and inconsiderate comments are based on people’s own insecurities. They’re so unhappy with themselves that they have to try to bring everyone else down. And when you’re younger, you can’t help but take many of these things to heart

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, sad that it takes so little no to grow into our own skin and self confidence. and all we can do as parents is try to instill in our children how special and valuable they are. Most people who are overly critical were usually bullied when they were young. Children become easy targets.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. My mom is my harshest critic. I have to say, when you said Nice Ass Grandma I thought you were a NICE ass Grandma. As in ” My grandma is one nice ass Grandma”. I’ve been hanging with 5 year olds way too much! I’m almost 6 feet tall so junior high was hell.

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  8. I’m 5’2″ too, so I get this! I don’t think people consider how their words and actions will impact someone–not just in the short term, but contribute to a build up of negativity over time–before they speak. And we’re all guilty of it, as you pointed out; all we can do is recognize when we’ve been rude and try to be better next time. That’s what I’m trying every day!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. The only thing I ever say about the appearance of someone I don’t know well is compliments on their outfits. I often say something like “You look great in that outfit” or “that’s a great scarf”, and it’s clear that I am not trying to pick them up or scam money or anything and just genuinely want them to know that they look nice since they clearly made an effort. Some people have been so genuinely thrilled to hear it. I would never comment on the personal characteristics of someone I don’t know though–it just seems rude and not my business, and I would be offended if people pointed out that I look like crap as often as I indeed do, or look /scrawny/fat/short/old/ugly/whatever not nice thing.

    If a friend looks ill or tired or great I may comment about that if our relationship allows it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There’s almost never a good reason to comment negatively on someone’s appearance. It’s just not nice or going to do any good. If you want to say something, make it positive and non offensive…..people need to learn to think

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Ironic that I’d read this today..I was with a group of ladies the other day and the one (5’1?) said to the other (4’10?) “you are so short I feel like an elegant model standing next to you..” I could NOT believe it. 😳

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Personally, I think rudeness stems from jealousy. Doesn’t matter what you look like, it’s all about your personal “power”. We all have it – many are just totally unaware or don’t know what to do with it. So some sense a person’s power, and being totally oblivious and unaware of their own power, focus on something negative about the other person.
    I’m too old to deal with toxic people these days. Cut them out of my life completely. Especially inlaws

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Yes, it seems to happen to me quite often. On the plane, the air steward told me I don’t look like the sort of woman who drinks beer. Sometimes, think it is just a way for people to make conversation and pass the time. I was drinking a can of bog standard beer because I was thirsty and wanted something more than water. Really I prefer stronger craft beers. They have improved a lot during the last few years. Apparently, I look like I should drink wine. Yes, I like that too. Great post. Ax

    Liked by 2 people

  13. IMO the reason your mom’s rude comments are the ones that hurt the most is because her opinion matters to you. Likewise, I always said my children could push my buttons with more expertise than anyone else because they installed the buttons and knew what pushing them would do.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Another shorty here and yes, it drives me up the wall to get those comments. As though I don’t already know that the majority of the population literally looks down on me, you feel the need to point it out? My daughter, who has finally gotten a couple of inches on me, loves to point out how short I am now that she isn’t the shortest in the house. I love her to pieces but sometimes when she does that I want to smack her right back to knee height even though I know she is teasing. People that don’t have to deal with it have no clue how much of a sore spot that can be. By the time you get to be old enough to have your own kids you’ve heard every variation under the sun and then some, but people still think it is their job to inform you of this fact because they somehow think you aren’t aware of it. As if the lack of height is equivalent to lack of intelligence. Sheesh!

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I’ve got a few blog posts in my file that are about rude comments people have said to me. But here’s the thing, not being a rude person I cannot bring myself to publish the blog posts because I think it’d be rude to do so. Rock, meet hard place.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. You are SO right! it’s like an epidemic! I am 5ft3ins and I get the same sort of thing! I was literally just texting with a friend who was telling me she is visiting her aged Mother this weekend, and not looking forward to it in the least! I know her Mother, she is thoroughly vile. She is always telling people my friends daughter, her grand daughter, who is 15 years old, she is fat! she tells my friend her hair is horrible and the list goes on, It is hard to believe how anyone can be so terrible to people for no good reason. I advised her to stand up to her Mother, give her a little taste of her own medicine, but my friend is a very sweet girl, so I doubt she will. I think the Mother does it because she gets away with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mothers can do so much harm. I try to watch what I say, but it’s so hard. So mother’s who don’t think about what they’re saying, or that think it’s in their kids best interest….seriously. I think more kids have eating disorders due to parental comments

      Liked by 1 person

  17. My mother always said if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. I totally agree with the sentiment although she didn’t always live by it. I think when people are close to you they feel they have license to say what they please. Personal remarks are always in bad taste.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am tall, and like the many benefits of that. 🙂 Mostly it’s more convenient except for when I’m walking down a street and get smacked by trees.

        My husband is shorter than I am, so I tend to feel I get both perspectives.

        …now you’ve inspired a blog post. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes!! I was buying pants for my husband (30″ inseam) and they were on the top shelf. I had to stretch.
        The pants for tall men were, of course, on the bottom shelf.

        …I just posted the entry inspired by you, by the way. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Impossible to stop our mums from “rude” comments. My mum just left after 1 month stay (in my house) & I’m so happy bcz now I’ll skip all the judgement, comments how it “MUST” be & what’s wrong with me lol 😂
    But it good time anyway. Love my mum.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I am always amazed (and dismayed) by how free people feel to comment negatively on other people. What in the world is wrong with being short? Or tall? Or average height? Several years ago, my father died and the resulting stress caused me to lose about 15 pounds. And you wouldn’t believe the number of people who told me I was “too skinny” (I wasn’t…I had actually been about 15 pounds overweight before that.) But it really bothered me, especially since I hadn’t actually been trying to lose the weight. And made me wonder, if I had gained another 15 pounds, would people have said I was too fat?

    The only response to rude comments I have ever found effective is to simply look at the person who made the comment and say, “How odd that you should say that.” And then change the subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know why people are so bent on discussing someone’s physical attributes. Just because you can see something doesn’t mean it should be talked about. Height and too thin have somehow become acceptable traits to discuss negatively. I don’t understand why. We all need to rethink how we think and why this is so important for us to talk about unasked

      Liked by 1 person

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