I can be a little overbearing.  I can be opinionated.  I can be a control freak. No one would ever describe me as “laid back”.   I think you can ascertain most of this about my personality, and I am OK with that.  I will freely admit that I exhibit many of these traits in the majority of my life.

Except

I am actually somewhat laid back as a wife.  Not in the domestic side of things- I run the household with a pretty tight leash.  But, as far as my Husband goes, I am pretty easy going.

He wants to hang out with the guys?  Go ahead.  No problem.  Wants to go to Alabama to watch a football game?  Works for me.  Wants to hang out with people from ski club, men and women?  Have fun.  Want to go to Montana to ski for five days?  Don’t forget your gloves.

Many women look at me and say- “You’re crazy.”  “You trust him?”  “Why does he want to be out so much anyway?”

I think of it like this: if he’s going to cheat, he doesn’t need an excuse, or a situation- he would do it anyway.  I’m not a particularly jealous person.  I don’t covet things other people have, I’m not particularly envious.  I don’t view his wanting to hang out with his friends as an affront against me.  I like hanging with my friends too.  I certainly wouldn’t want him to tell me what I can and can’t do.  And skiing- well- he loves it.  Me- I figure if I was intended to be ass down in a pile of snow, God would have made me a polar bear…..so if he has friends to ski with, then I’m a happy girl.

But that doesn’t mean I’m naïve.

Case in point.  Last weekend he was at a ski club outing.  I tend not to accompany him, because frankly, I don’t like many of the people in the club.  When he came home, he talked to me about two of the women in the club.

Him:  “Wow. S and R were talking about the guys they were dating, and how lousy the sex was, and how they had to break up with the guys because the sex was so bad.  They said that sex is the most important thing in a relationship.  I don’t know- when you’re 50ish, is that the most important thing?  Isn’t it just getting along and wanting to spend time together?” he said.

Me: They’re trying to get you to sleep with them.”

Him: No?  Really?  What?

Me:  They’re trying to tell you that they are hot and ready all the time.  That life with them would be one long sexcaspade.

Him: You mean they are trying to lure me away from you?

Me:  Yes.  They assume because I let you off your leash that we have a lousy marriage.  They want to be married/paired off, and they figure you are a willing victim.  They know you’re not afraid of commitment, your kid is almost out of the house, you’re a reasonably nice guy in decent shape….

Him:  Women don’t do that

Me:  Really?  You think?

Now, I’ve seen these women at social functions.  I know exactly the type of women they.  They are not women I would ever be friends with- for myriad reasons.  Let’s just say, if I ever finish my current novel, my next one would be about women such as this.  They are a caricature, and a stereotype, but boy would it be fun to write about one.  Let’s just say there is a reason why one of them has been divorced 3 times, and the other one is desperate to be married….and I mean desperate.

Did my husband learn anything about human nature?  Probably not.  At 49 he still doesn’t realize how conniving people can be.  I know, I know.  It’s my fault.  I’m such an amazing human he finds it hard to believe that there are people with faults…but I can only point out that sometimes people have ulterior motives, that sometimes things aren’t always what they seem.  Except me being perfect.  Because I truly am perfect…….

 

 

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71 thoughts on “Eyes Pretty Wide Open

  1. Good post. I grew up a navy brat &now wife to a trucker. In my psyche its not normal for the guys to be around all the time. I also like ‘down time’ from the wife job.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am like you. I am actually happy to get some “me-time”.
    However, he hardly ever goes somewhere. He says he is getting old (34 years), haha.
    But every now and then he talks like to the women you describe and responds in the same way as your husband.
    It just makes me wonder “Are women that desperate and are men that naïve”?!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. EXACTLY!
        That’s what I tell him about this one particular desperate woman (who is married and has a child btw) who can’t live without attention.
        I trust him, but her…. N E V E R

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I was like that, mine cheated anyway. Hope yours does not. Hope he is faithful and loyal. We were growing apart anyway. What did it for me was Christmas day when he went to her after me.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You are a much better person than I am because I’d want to beat their ass! I’m a tad bit possessive. But, honestly, you are correct. Time and opportunity presents itself often for both parties to marriage. Trust has to exist between the two of them otherwise you’d make yourself crazy. Frankly, nothing drives women like more crazy than a person who is secure and happy in their marriage.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know- people love to question how things can be the way they are. I saw one of them a a party, and I just let her know by my bearing and tone that I know exactly what she’s up to. I let her keep talking and saying stupid things, and I occasionally challenge her just enough to let her know who would win the pissing contest if it came to it….

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I was the same as you, but mine (ex) wasn’t as naive (except in the beginning) and then when he realized he was marketable, it was a different story. I have no idea if he cheated and it doesn’t make a difference to me anymore now that we’re divorced. But like you, I gave him his freedom willingly to play sports etc. because I wanted him to be happy and I figured if I don’t trust him, then what’s the point of being married? Those types of women are everywhere sadly and married men are a great target.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Dude, I don’t know why Sunshine & Mr b have such a hard time believing me when I try to explain what’s really going on with other women. They’re not naive, neither one of them. Yet when it comes to seeing women for the conniving, sociopathic creatures that we can truly be they just refuse to believe that the “fairer sex” could truly be sociopaths (some of them very high-functioning sociopaths, others more psychopathic)

    And my husband and I both feel the same way about our marriage that you feel about yours. Autonomy is huge, and if someone is going to cheat… Well, then all the assholery and controlling bullshit is just going to make them that much more likely to do it.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I dont tell my husband what to do because I don’t want him to tell me what to do. I too think if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat. I trust him. I can’t be nor do I want to be with 24/7. I need my space too. He does what he wants. I get my space. It’s a win win in my eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s sad they think sex is the most important thing in the relationship. Last time I checked, you can have sex very easily without any ties or commitment. Sex is not going to be incredible until you have others things in place. You add every ingredient like baking a cake, and sex is the icing!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. You and I are very similar. Before I was with my husband I was cheated on by almost everyone I dated, they all regret it now by the way but I won’t rub their noses in it! My husband needs time doing what he enjoys just as I need me time. Some guys can be pretty cluless about the motives of others, it is really kind of endearing in a odd way.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I agree with you- people have ulterior motives and I think sometimes people can be pretty naive about that. At the same time it makes sense to me that he goes to these things and you don’t- I don’t think people have to be babysat all the time- and I think your perspective on this is just right! Basically you are perfect! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

      1. There was a woman who joined his Wednesday night golf league. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that she was hinting at a relationship. When I asked how he’d feel if a man joined my women’s book club and kept telling us about his sexual prowess, he admitted that wouldn’t be acceptable.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Great post! I think you have a book right here too. I like you believe if someone is going to cheat they’re going to cheat. I’m obviously perfect too 😉😆

    Liked by 2 people

  12. When did it become OK to discuss the nitty gritty details of your sex life in social situations? If your husband is attractive, athletic and has a decent job, chances are he’ll be targeted by other women. My husband was walking down the street when a stranger confronted him and asked him to be her date for a party. When he said he was married, she said, “Oh, you’re not wearing a ring (long story).” Maybe we should all tighten the leashes a smidge.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I cannot imagine being with anyone who I didn’t trust. Conversations in social settings around here are much more benign than the ones you mention. so I can honestly say that I’ve never given this topic much thought. Kind of a non-issue… to my knowledge.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There are times they happen, Times they don’t. I have a friend who lives in a ruralish place, and boy, the stories I hear……but the problem here is, the single woman to single mean ratio is skewed. So women that don’t want to be alone, especially in their fifties….yeah….there’s a truth is stranger than fiction thing

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Funny! I agree that when we had our cupcakerie, many women seemed to love my husband especially since he baked and had a great sense of humor. He wasn’t able to get it that they were flirting with him in front of me sometimes! He would state, “you think?” Hmm.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I swear we might be twins separated at birth. Some of relatives and friends give me the same “amazement” about how calm I am about my husband.
    He likes to cave. I’d rather get a root canal than go underground in the cold-wet-dark-muddy. He has friends that will do that with him. I love them for it! Some of them are women. In fact, he prefers to go caving with women because they tend to be more safety conscious and of course, there’s none of that male “proving themselves” crap to deal with. He’s also one of the ones that doesn’t notice if people flirt with him, but honestly, that’s not a crowd of people out to steal other people’s people.
    All of the “cave people” know me; I show up to special events and all. They are quite clear whose husband Mark is, and who is the only person in the world Mark has eyes for. I think most respect me and Mark. And those that don’t are well aware that I could scratch they eyeballs out and everyone would back me.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I love your post! Really! It is because we are at a similar age and when you can relate to the subject at hand you find everything so interesting. I don’t have a husband that likes to go out with the boys, but that doesn’t mean I have not had the same experience. As you said… if it is going to happen it happens. My friend was showing her friend wedding pictures…and on one of them a bunch of us in a group photo. My friend said this is my friend and her husband…the comment was my god what a handsome man your friend has. Being the funny idiot I can be I said to my friend, if she would like I can rent him out for the right price. When you are in a relationship that has lasted for so long, you just know your spouse. You feel if there is something going on or not. But I think the best part in this post is the fact that you husband, as mine feels the need to say, to explain, to tell all that has happened to him while you were not together. As long as that kind of trust, that kind of communication exists, then everything is just perfect. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

    Liked by 3 people

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