That’s the issue in a book I read last week, “The Arrangement” by Sarah Dunn. Couple decides their marriage is getting stale, so they set up a 6 month time frame and a list of rules, and decide to give this alternate arrangement a go.
Hmmmm. What could ever go wrong?
Ok- this is not a book review- this is a lifestyle review.
I don’t think open marriage can/will work. I don’t think having sex with other people is the way to solve marital issues. If you want to solve marital issues, you have to identify the issue- then you can solve the problem. How is having sex with someone else helping you solve a problem?
Oh- you say that lack of sex is the problem? OK- I get that. But again, how is sex with someone else helping your actual relationship?
Marriages can get stale. I understand that. Life gets in the way. There are bills and chores and jobs and families and about a million other things. When you go to bed, these are the things that flash through your mind….is there milk? did I pay the insurance? Am I supposed to bake cookies for the bake sale? I’m supposed to present at the 9am meeting tomorrow- do I know what to say? You forget about that person that is actually sharing your bed every night- they’ve become your roommate. Sex? What’s that?
So what should you do?
I have no idea.
But I am pretty sure that opening up your marriage to others is probably not a great way to start.
Side note- my husband just wandered by, and when I told him what I have been attempting to write about he said…”Oooh that sounds interesting- Do you know anyone hot?”
FYI- not a great thing for a husband to say….especially when his wife is having tremendous writers block. Also- whenever my husband hears that I’m having writer’s block, he says, “Maybe it’s not a good topic.” And then at moment’ s like this I think to myself….hmmm, maybe open marriage would be a great idea, except instead of finding a sex partner, I’ll find someone to be more helpful when I’m writing……
But back to the topic at hand:
If you love your partner, and the issues you are having are because you don’t see them in a romantic way anymore…..try to figure out how to see them in a romantic way! I know- it’s hard- life, blah, blah, blah……
But isn’t it worth it to try to rekindle the passion you once felt for one another?
So- here’s your homework….
- Can open marriage work?
- Am I old fashioned in thinking that it is not a good idea, or is this the way of the future?
- How do you revive a marriage that has become a bit rote?
- Would you ever consider open marriage? If so, would you have rules?
- Do you think that if someone suggests open marriage they have an ulterior motive, ie- they already have a partner in mind?
- I’ve seen statistics that suggest that less people are actually getting married. Do you think they are less likely to get married because they want to have the ability to explore their sexuality with multiple partners?
- Can something be “just sex” or are emotions going to become involved no matter what? (I think emotions are going to jump in no matter what- how many people equate sex with love?)
- Even if you’ve given the green light, is it possible to truly not be jealous? (Seriously- can you really remain detached if you know your spouse is sleeping with someone younger/hotter?)
- Do you want your kids to know what you are doing? (I mean really- kids are smart- they figure out everything we want to hide…..)
I know- I’m a demanding teacher. Also- writers block! I need you guys to write for me!!!
Also- I may be taking applications for a muse. Start working on those resumes……