My blogs are usually inspired by events in my life.  Last week I wrote a blog exposing both my shyness and fear of commenting- two things I continually work at overcoming.  It was something I wanted to share, and I felt spurred on by two things, my pact with another blogger to make more meaningful commentary that wasn’t self serving at least once a month, and the other is the story I am about to reveal.

I read a lot of blogs.  These blogs cover many topics- personal narrative, flash fiction, poetry, photography, organizing, food, reviews, and a whole lot more.  I do not care about the actual personal details of a persons life.  What do I mean?  I follow people regardless of religion, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, socio economic status, political leanings or anything else that may separate people into groups or factions.

So how do I choose the bloggers that I will follow/read/like? I choose the bloggers who are excellent at telling their story.  These bloggers are honest and passionate.  These bloggers inspire me to be a better person.  They share their opinions in a thoughtful and thought provoking manner.  They make me think about things in a way I never thought of before.  They help me grow, and expand my knowledge base.  If I follow/read/like your blogs, these are the reasons.

Now- for the record- I do not always agree with the opinions that are presented.  I may not follow the same life path.  But these things do not matter to me.  I would be a pretty shallow person if I only read things that I am, or already believe in.  In my “About” section, I state that I am a “work in progress”.  My goal in the second half of my life is to keep growing and learning.

So here’s the story.

I follow a blog that is written by a devout Christian.  I commented on the blog last week, sharing my opinion.  The blogger responded back with a perfectly reasonable comment.  But then, a third party entered the picture, “respectfully” attacking me verbally about a life style choice I made,  basically saying that this choice made me insignificant.  The interloper also made a statement to me….”I hate when evangelical westerners….”  So I responded, as nicely as I could, especially as it wasn’t my blog, “Please don’t attack the lifestyle I choose to live as it doesn’t hinder on your life.  And what in my statement makes you think I’m an evangelical?”  Blogger responded back “I assumed…..”  Well yeah, it’s pretty obvious I’m from a Western as opposed to Eastern based – but where do you get Evangelical?  (and there is nothing wrong with any religion, but don’t assume what I am or an not, especially as I’m not Evangelical, nor have I ever been)  And the blogger didn’t respond back.

Now I’m not Sherlock, but I could see that this blogger went into my archives and read my “about” and my last ten posts.  Big surprise.  I talk about everything, and share my opinions about a lot of things, but I’m guessing she could find no clue as to my religion, unless she found the one comment I make with another blogger about Catholic guilt (OK- the Catholic is out of the bag)

So being the mature person I am, I decided to look at this person’s blog- you know- tit for tat.  Guess what?  No blog.  Nothing but a user name.

So is there a point?

  1. Don’t comment on a blog because you have an agenda.  If you hate a group, don’t seek out their blogs and personally attack them, and their commenters.  If that’s really going to make you feel better, I’m going to suggest trying a bowl of chicken soup, or a massage, or just some quiet meditation.
  2. Don’t assume anything about anyone (Does anyone remember “The Odd Couple”  ass u me?)  Accept what the blogger writes, and work with that.  Anything else is conjecture.  You can’t build a something if the base doesn’t exist.
  3. Don’t criticize anyone’s lifestyle- how they choose to live their life is their business (assuming it is not harmful or hurtful to anyone- you know I mean within acceptable guidelines)

And that’s my PSA for the day.  I’m off to do shallow things and not think about anyone other than myself……..

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96 thoughts on “Blogging PSA

  1. That is what used to be called a poison pen. Nothing to be gained but putting another person down and then hiding. People can say a lot of things when they’re doing it anonymously. A courageous person signs their name. Don’t let her bother you.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. When we write a Blog or comment on Blogs we open ourselves up to “others comments.” I’ve always thought how awful it must be for entertainers who NEVER have a peaceful moment with media/magazines ALWAYS trying to say something mean and hurtful, because that is how they sell magazines. In moments like that you should REMEMBER the Blogger that write an entire post on how fantastic YOU are! I worked in advertising sales for many years. I would hear a lot of negative comments. It would hurt my spirit. BUT THEN I would remember that I had an Italian restaurant client. SO, I would head over to Massimo’s place. As soon as I entered, he would greet me with the hug and kiss on both cheeks, a cappuccino, tell me his mother was in town, she would come with her apron on and flour all over her (smile) and they would make me a personal lunch. THAT ALWAYS made me FEEL good and I would instantly REMEMBER I am the one in charge of what I want to focus on in life… choose to re-run the negative comments OR be with friends that are uplifting and care about me. Choice #2 was always the game changer. REREAD that lady’s post where she wrote about you, my goodness — that was fantastic! Have a good day!

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Good post, this kind of echoes my sentiments from my recent post on motherhood. There is really no need to run around the internet finding fault with others and reading between the lines to come up with your own assumptions of others. Thanks for sharing, and try not to let the haters get to you, in the end we find that it is those who judge others harshly who have the most work to do, and our only job there is to rise above it and keep being our unique selves.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you! Oh….I know about the mom shamers! I have no problem when a parent gives advice about what worked for them, but when they shame you about not baking 4000 cupcakes for the bake sale, or some ludicrous Pinterest lifestyle? I told a mom last week to cut herself some slack cause parenting is soooo hard!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful post! Unfortunately, I think this is fairly common. I’ve received harassing comments through my contact page as well. The person doing it doesn’t think I know who they are. Why are they doing it? I don’t know. I don’t get what’s up with people honestly. I guess being online, you’re going to have that once in a while… IMO, definitely don’t take it personally. ❤ Hugs

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Great post .. I understand exactly what you mean ..

    There was a time when if someone made a negative comment I’d cringe and ignore it .. now I don’t .. I respond .. meet it head on .. that’s what happens with age .. you gain confidence..

    Good for you !!

    d

    Liked by 4 people

  6. It is fairly common. I have been pretty fortunate in that I’ve had very few, but they do hurt when they happen. I have found (so far!) that to engage politely sometimes causes them to pause and backtrack a little, but obviously some don’t. In the end, blocking is often the only answer.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I completely agree! I had a blogger once tell me that I was too positive and sending an unrealistic look about real life. Well, this is my life and I am happy! I unfollowed. I will not let others poison my happiness! 💚☺️

        Liked by 1 person

  7. If someone is brave enough to write about their life and experiences it does not give anyone the right to judge and bash them. I actually had someone comment through my blo to go to someone else’s blog that I follow and tell her what a terrible influence she was on her kids because of her dating habits. I was floored and pissed that someone actually asked me to do that for her (or him to be fair). I moderate my comments for two reasons – to protect my anonymity and to make sure that no one is being bullied or harassed through my blog either. There is no excuse for it and I’ve had to block two people because of this.

    Liked by 5 people

  8. Yep, you gone on and work the ad hominem comment problem. Been a bane on the bit and byte world before threaded comments were even a gleam in some soda swilling coder’s eye. Virtual anonymity damn near assures animosity… and run on alliterations.

    Add the personal is political with identity and intersectionality and all levies break and all is licensed.

    Can you imagine what that empty text widget on your blog connotes about your “personal” core to those who conjure, conjecture, and feed only on conflict.

    Regards,
    Doug

    Liked by 2 people

  9. But the blocking tho….isn’t really just dumping blacklisted things into a spam folder? This is one area facebook has everyone beat. My block list there was nice and healthy like a big fat baby! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I’ve sometimes noticed that blogging comments can run the same direction as those errant comments you find on FB from people who set out specifically to cause trouble. If it happens a lot it can make blogging less enjoyable-you spend more time worrying about what or who will comment over simply writing your words and publishing and trying to be real.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. That person belongs on Facebook, or Twitter, with the rest of the trolls. Now, there I am generalising!
    I, too, have come across these sites that appear to only read, rather than write their own posts. Strange to my way of thinking. I blog primarily for me, rather than anyone else. We are a friendly supportive lot here on WordPress. May it continue so.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. I’m always astounded when people attack others on social media—whether it’s criticizing lifestyle, personal choices, or writing ability. Life is way, way, way too short, and to spend even two minutes of it putting others down seems like a declaration that the limited time one has will be focused on destroying rather than creating, and hurting rather than helping. Where’s the joy in that? When I get past the surprise and frustration, I usually just feel sorry for such negative people….

    Liked by 2 people

  13. The “user name” but no blog is a big pet peeve of mine. It seems so sneaky and smarmy (is that a word?). I don’t have a problem with people subscribing or commenting by email, but it’s when you click on their “profile” and there’s nothing there that weirds-me-out. Why even bother? I can’t tell you how many posts I haven’t posted something I wanted to because of the fear of backlash.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. I agree wholeheartedly with this piece. I’ve had this happen to me on numerous occasions where someone makes a ridiculous assumption (one time I was accused of being something I’d actually stated on the post that I wasn’t). You’re so right that people shouldn’t make assumptions (or be an ass) on the internet for no reason- I think if these people really need to get it out of their system they should try a gym (or a nice bowl of chicken soup, like you said 😉 that solves all the world’s problems 😉 )

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I like your reasons for ‘following’ peeps, and they are similar to mine, but I think my list is a little short on the christian / religious ones. But theres reasons for that 😉 But I get what your saying here … my run-in (and I’ve only ever had a couple, WP seems to flesh out the spam quite well I’ve found) was with a political one, on another persons blog. At first I was offended, then annoyed. Because I was feeling rather ’empowered’ at the time though, I just left a statement of the short sharp but polite, kind, letting them know that they were welcome to come peruse my blog and have a more in-depth discussion – They never came 😉

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I completely agree … I must confess though, I find trolls a good source of amusement because of their lack of agenda and logic – when I’m in the mood of course 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m sorry you had to deal with such a critical person. For me, the beauty of blogging is pouring my thoughts on to paper. I understand people like to debate and that’s fine, but this sounds like they wanted to fight. Sound advice you gave and I’m glad you shared.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Sadly, that’s the reason so few people want to comment and even blog: they are afraid of people who don’t approve of their choices or lifestyle attacking them. And it has a horribly stifling affect! (or is that effect?) Plus, most of the time the criticism isn’t even based on the truth, because as you say, we don’t know all there is to know about the people who are writing the blogs or comments! And when we assume, we are usually wrong.
    Anyway, it sounds as if you handled it very well. I honestly think that most people who attack or argue on line are just addicted to conflict, and actively go looking for something to be indignant about.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s such a horrible reason for not blogging or commenting. It makes me sad, because even though I’m new to this, I have learned so much about other people. I love reading their stories. And your right, people go out of their way to be mean. Imagine if they used that energy for something good

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I often think to myself, “I can’t tolerate intolerance.” It makes me giggle at myself, yet, in a weird twist of irony, it’s completely true. We don’t have to agree. I’m 110% okay with that. We don’t have to live the same lifestyle. I’m 200% good there. But we do have to allow each other to have those thoughts and live those lives without smashing them via our own perceptions. We can discuss our differences with respect and end in disagreement the same way. I can deal with hostility from another, but the truth is that I will never see another person’s point when they come at me that way, and frankly, I just don’t want to put up with that crap. I’m with ya on all you said sister! (Even – not to your surprise – the Catholic part. So so funny once more.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know! When did respect go out the window.? Why do people think there is only 1 “right” way to do something? Some people just want to be right, they won’t even listen to your side of the story….or instead of listening to what you’re saying, they’re too busy coming up with a response, and the response might not answer the point they’ve posed….. thank goodness I can rely on you to always know I’m right…..

      Like

  19. I absolutely loved this post. I haven’t had a lot of time to really dig in and read a lot of blogs…but have vowed to myself to set aside time this weekend to do just that. As we have already interacted on several occasions, you thoroughly enjoy the knowledge and insight that I gain from other bloggers. This particular piece resonates strongly with me.I am all for people having their own opinion on things, okay when they differ from my outlook even. But like you talk about here, the bashing and almost bullying that I have seen occasionally- is so totally unnecessary and uncalled for. May your writings continue to move and inspire all those who follow you my friend.
    Happy blogging,
    Sharon

    Liked by 1 person

  20. “… If I follow/read/like your blogs, these are the reasons.” Same here, which is why I now follow you…funny how as I began reading, I thought of my first lesson about assumption, one we apparently share, though mine was in 6th grade given by Sr. Carmelita (ugh…you got me…also Catholic
    ), but I’d like to think she was a fan of the Odd Couple ;-)…looking forward to reading more!

    Liked by 1 person

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