True Confessions

Ok.  I have a confession to make.  I really don’t think that all men sexually harass women.  And to go even further, I think that men often get blamed for everything that goes wrong, and that’s blatantly unfair.  (now- if it’s my husband we’re talking about, he probably should be blamed…remind me sometime to tell you the story of the kitchen floor)

So there you have it.

Why, you ask, did I say that the other day?

Because, sometimes you have to make a grandiose statement in order to get people to pay attention.

Because sometimes there’s a problem that everyone needs to work on in order to solve it.

Who is getting harassed, who is doing the harassing….it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that it stops.  And whether you want to call it harassment, or bullying…..it’s the same thing- People disrespecting one another- People watching others get disrespected and not doing anything about it.  People not thinking about what their words and actions actually mean.

So how do we stop harassment?

How do we stop bullying?

How do we stop disrespect?

I try to be the best person I can.  I try to model reasonable behavior so my daughter understands how to treat others.  I will say something to family members if I feel they are doing/saying something stupid (and if you knew my family you would know exactly how time consuming this is)  But I’m human, and I’m not always nice, and I’m not always respectful (especially to customer service representatives- I’m sure there are a few dart boards with my picture on them)

But back to the big picture.  We’re reasonably intelligent people (come on- you read my blog, so that makes you a connoisseur of the finer things) and I know we are teavhibg and modeling respect….but is that enough?  Because frankly, it’s not working.  Take Back the Night began like 40 years ago….have rape and domestic violence stopped or decreased?  No….they haven’t.   Let’s think this out- how do we stop harassment?

 

 

Advertisements

Perception

When my daughter was younger, many of the relatives would greet her with “Come give me a hug.”  “Come give me a kiss.”

I was having none of that.

I told people that it is her body, and it doesn’t matter if she’s only a year old, she didn’t have to hug or kiss anyone.

I got a lot of grief for this.

I didn’t care.  I stood firm.

My Husband was embarrassed. He was not happy with me. I didn’t care.  I would have gotten divorced if I had to.  I was holding firm to what I believed was right.  To expect a hug or a kiss from a child is wrong- and it doesn’t matter who you are.

There are a lot of people who think I am dead wrong.  They don’t consider it harassment, but I do.  And in my reality- what I believe is the only thing that actually matters.  And that was the tenet I was taking in raising my daughter.  I made sure she knew that it was her body, and anything to do with it required her permission. That if she said no, and someone didn’t listen, she was to come to me immediately and I would take care of it.  And you can imply your own meaning to what I meant by “take care of it.”

See- here’s the thing.  Though we might all agree that harassment is bad, and that it means that someone is put in an uncomfortable situation because of their gender- we all have different levels of tolerance, and a different subset of what specifics make up harassment.

  1. A 5 year old child chases another with the intent of kissing them.  Is this harassment? I think so.  I also think that no child should be suspended because of it- that a direct conversation about touching someone else without their permission is in order-
  2. A teenager constantly calls, texts, mails, emails, mails another.  While the doer might not constitute this as harassment, the one on the receiving end often does.
  3. An adult manages to be at the gym at the same time as another adult- they manage to be at the same place at the same time.  Is this harassment?  Well, it is if one of the adults feels this way.

So here’s the thing.  Men, women- young, old….. they need to discuss these things.  it doesn’t matter if you are 100% positive that no one you know would ever be a harasser- these things must be discussed.  There must be open and honest dialogue about the different ways that people feel. Because everyone feels different about everything.

Why?

Say your child is totally respectful of all around them.  What if they have a friend who keeps texting someone- if the textee is not responding, does your child know that they should talk to the texter about how their actions might not be seen in a good light?  About how the other person might feel uncomfortable?

Now- let’s give a personal example.  I worked for a very long time in a male dominated industry.  Men were lewd and vulgar on a daily basis- not all, but I’m going to say the majority.  but, all were complicit in this behavior.  Including me.  But, this behavior did not bother me at the same level that it would bother others.  I felt that it was just a bunch of people letting off steam when faced with high levels of stress.  But I never felt threatened because of my sex- I never felt that I didn’t get a fair shot at things.  Now, there were clients of ours that did not want to work with a woman.  Technically, that is harassment- but I let it go because I always figured there would be other opportunities and other clients.  But that was me.  Another woman?  Who knows.

And what about a situation at a party, or a place where people are trying to meet other people?  One blogger friend said that he just doesn’t complement any woman other than his wife, for fear of someone thinking it’s harassment.  But how do you talk to someone you are interested in sexually?  Obviously, we know at some point people engage in sexuality intoned banter…..but what are the new rules about how one engages in this?  I have a friend who was dating the first time after divorce- he literally asked the woman what parameters their flirtatious banter could take.  He actually said, “is this form of discussion acceptable to you?”?.  And it makes me wonder, is this really why Tinder has become so popular?  Is Tinder giving people the OK to say, yes- there is a possibility that this “relationship” could end up in a sexual way, and we’re both pretty OK with that because we are using this app?

So- I think we need to discuss, in a non harassing way- what we should do to stop harassment.

Who wants to start?

 

Continuing On

You’ve heard me talk about the importance of family tradition.  I believe families should have rituals that they follow in some sort of pattern.  Last weekend, my family went to a corn maze- we have been doing the maze at this location for 12 years.  As we walk down the path, we look at the pictures from past mazes and talk about how fast we did them.  Competitive family- we try to beat our time from the previous year- my daughter is sort of a maze savant- (this year, Queens County Farm Museum threw us a curve ball- they made the maze longer and more difficult- so we had to readjust our expectations)

But just like families- couples and individuals should have rituals too.  My Husband and I did not really have these rituals when my daughter was younger, because we did so much as a family unit.  But we realized a few years ago that our daughter had her own life.  She no longer played soccer and softball, so our attendance was not required at games.  We were no longer needed at weekend activities- she played in a tennis tournament a few weeks ago and told us we didn’t need to come.  She has plans and she has homework and she has more homework.  The husband and I are sort of free.

So- we began a new set of traditions.  We go to the Orchid Show at the Botanic Garden, the cherry blossoms at the other garden, etc.  Last weekend we went to Open House New York (OHNY).  OHNY is where building and organizations open up their doors and give tours- these places are not often seen by the public.  We had tours of two gorgeous churches, including The Church of the Transfiguration (where PG Wodehouse got married) and Marble Collegiate (where Norman Vincent Peale was Pastor).  We also went to Center for Book Arts, where they actually lay the type for some funky books.  I can’t give a good explanation of this place though, hence why I don’t write reviews) but suffice to say it was cool, interesting and different, and I’m considering taking a class just to see how books are made the old fashioned way.

So- now that I’ve included Sunday Wrap up into  Wordy Wednesday…….

I also have started my own traditions.  I now go to the Tribeca Film Festival every year (I think you get the idea of what this is)  I go to the New Yorker Festival (which is basically an event for the editors of the New Yorker to show how intellectual they are by running panel discussions and interviews).  I find things to do on an annual basis.

Why are traditions important?

They give you something to look forward to.

I think as people get older, many have a dread that life is over.  They’ve had kids, they’ve had careers, they’ve owned houses.  They have done some of the things they set out to do.  They also realize that there might be some stuff that they never got around to doing.  That’s when the sadness creeps in.  They don’t always know what to do next- all they see is an empty calendar- days with nothing to fill them.

So you fill in the blanks.

Annual events are an easy way to start.  If I know the New Yorker Festival is the second weekend of October each year, I can jot it down.  That’s a day in the calendar that is not blank- that is something I look forward to.  (I know- half of you are thinking- OMG- she’s off on one of her scheduling tangents- you’re tired just thinking about writing something in your planner (?) for a year from now…I get it….but….)

As we get older, we need to adapt and/or change.   Yeah- I get it – change is hard.  But not changing- well, does that make things easier?

I switched to glasses this week- I didn’t want to, but I had no choice.  Accept and move on.  My daughter will be going to college in a few years and I will no longer see her on a daily basis.  Accept and move on.  Adapt to the new reality.  Live in the present.

 

 

 

Them too

Ok-many of you will find this controversial…..

Many of the women I know posted “me too” on their social media platforms.  This is logical, because every woman I have ever met has been a victim of sexual harassment or assault at some point in their life.  It borders from disrespected to horrific in the terms of experience and none of these stories should be taken lightly.  We are all victims.  We should rally around one another and know that we are not alone- whether or not you want to publically share your story.  Everyone has the right to discuss, or not to discuss anything they want.  I applaud those able to share, and I silently commiserate and nod to the ones who don’t want to share.  It’s personal choice.

But……

Women have just exposed themselves.  Again.

When are the men going to take responsibility for their actions?

When?

When we women make them.

So here’s my plan.  I think every women goes to her husband, her father, her son, her uncle, her brother and makes sure that they all know what harassment and assault are- because chances are, they have all harassed/assaulted a women in their lives.  The men in the news did not harass/assault every women in the world.  This was done by fathers, brothers, uncles and sons.  I think the definition should be loud and clear.  Cat calling is harassment.  Saying nice ass at a bar is harassment.  looking down at a woman at work is harassment.  Anything other than yes, what we are doing is acceptable, is assault. No is no- end of discussion. I don’t think men get the definition.  I don’t think they understand that we are not dolls that can be manipulated and over powered.  They don’t get it.

We must make them understand.

We must make sure the definition is loud and clear.

And we should make them pay for their actions. My original thought was that every man should post on social media “I harass” or “I assault” or “I abuse my power as a man”.  My husband pointed out that no man is going to do this out of fear of getting sued.  So I was up all night revising my plan.  (not really- I thought of it before I went to bed)  Make men pay.

Pay.

Have every man you know (because let’s face it- if every woman has been involved, I’m going with every man has too- let’s me fair and equal about this) donate money to a cause for women.

Have every man make a donation to a charity that helps women in crisis.  Because when you donate money, it becomes real.  It becomes a tangible, tactile thing.  As they are writing a check or entering a credit card or putting bills into a collection- they are owning their misdeeds.  They are admitting that they are part of the problem.   We must figure out how to make everyone part of the solution.   And maybe with the money, we can help some women in need.

Man up.

Incognito

This is going to be an odd post- which is to say anything I normally write falls into the category of “normal”.  First off, I apologize for not reading or posting the past few days.  I have managed to get a sinus infection for has made me light headed and has affected my left eye.  It is red and weepy and just yucky, so I can’t wear my contacts.  It also hurts to read for any length of time, so my Dan Brown, my Sunday Times, blogs and email are not being read.  I will try to catch up when my eye feels a little better.

As stated, I wear contacts.  I started wearing glasses when I was 10, got contacts when I was 16, and I never looked back.  Other than the first six months of my daughters life, I have worn contacts every day for the better part 37 years.

I have issues with glasses.  First, I hate the way they make my nose feel sticky if they’re tight, or how they slide down my nose when they’re loose.  Second, they make me feel more geeky than I normally am.  I know- judging, stereotyping, blah blah blah.  I also hate that they constantly need to be cleaned.  NYC is a dirty, dusty place- I’m constantly wiping them down.  They are also a pain to exercise in.  They are difficult to watch 3D movies with (ok- I rarely watch 3D movies, but still….)

But……

I actually look pretty good in glasses.

I know- right?  Shocker!  They frame my eyes.  They had a little character to my face.  They hide the bags under my eyes.

Yes- I am vain.  I hate the bags under my eyes (which are presently worse due to mentioned sinus condition)  If I were to ever have plastic surgery, it would be to fix my eyes.  I spend very little on beauty products, but I will spend on eye creams, or anything that has the words “will get rid of puffiness in the under eye area.”

How did I not realize that glasses would solve this issue?  I mean, realistically, I should have known that- glasses literally cover your eyes.  Just silly pre-conceived notions about glasses.

And the other thing about glasses?  As I wear progressive contact lenses, I don’t see distance or close up with any accuracy.  Since I have a pair of glasses that is strictly for vision, I can actually see better.  Yes- I see better with glasses!  Who knew?!  And since I can read without anything, if I need to read, I just flip the glasses up!!  Perfect!

So on my to do list, along with taking sinus medicine, is to go to eye place and order prescription sunglasses.   You have no idea how exited I am by this!  And while I’m there, depending on how much money is left in my FSA, I may buy another pair of glasses.

 

 

 

 

Why is That So…..

I often wonder why I am so screwed up about so many things.  Then I spend some time with my family, and I wonder how I ended up so normal.  You see, I think that your childhood experiences often come back and bite you on the ass.

The past few days I talked about seeing the reactions of a young girl seated in front of me.  After commenting with Chrissy, I realized that I was so fixated with this girl, because I clearly remember being a middle school girl.  And I remember my parents.  So I couldn’t help but become that middle school girl again.

My parents.  Where do I start?  Now- realistically, I had a basically OK childhood.  I realize people had much worse hardships than  I had, but at the end of the day, what others are experiencing really doesn’t matter, because you have to live with yourself (if you are of a certain age, you might remember your parents telling you to eat all your food because there were kids that didn’t have food- and you might have said, Ok great- ship this off to them)

Back to the parents.  My Father was cold and distant- he was physically around but not present.  My Mother- a narcissist, fixated on outer appearances and neurotic to the Nth degree.  So when you add up all these things, you end up with a kid with low self esteem, who never feels that what they are doing is worthwhile and who thinks that love is when someone constantly tells you all the things that are wrong with you..  Now- was my Mother constantly harping on me?  Probably not- but that is how I perceived it, so it was my reality.

And when I was in middle school- oh- the torture about my appearance.  My Mother was constantly telling me I needed to lose weight.  Oh- her obsession with weight.  My Mother had an anorexic mind set, and she proceeded to endow me with all sorts of bad views about eating (I was never anorexic or bulimic, but I still don’t have a healthy relationship with food)  I clearly remember my Mother taking me to a make-up counter and I started crying, because I didn’t want to wear make up.  I was in 7th grade, and all I kept hearing from her was that “After 10 years of age, all girls need to wear make up.”  Yeah- good times- Do you know how long it took me to realize that appearance wasn’t the most important thing?

She criticized so much of what I did- including my choice of books.  Now- I was a shy, awkward kid.  I didn’t make friends easily, and my Mother was not real helpful here, because she didn’t have many friends, and didn’t understand why you needed them.  So, when this is your reality, and you’re alone much of the time, you become a reader.  I would have been the kid to read John Green books.  Because he talks about kids who don’t quite fit in.  And I was that kid.  My Mother would have questioned these choices- she would have made me feel bad about books like this.  I know this, because she did make me feel bad about the books I read that weren’t “classics”.  (point of fact- I love classic literature, but sometimes you need to read something just because you can relate to it- there are many ways that you can improve your mind)  She didn’t understand why I would want to read something so “cheap”.

And I could go on and on about how my parents made me feel.  I can give you more examples of why this girls expression made me feel like the scared 12 year old that I once was.  But at the end of the day, I empathized with the kid- because it feels like crap when your parents don’t get you.

I know people say that kids are resilient.  But if they’re so resilient, why do we have so many screwed up adults?

Peace and love to all!!

Maybe I Was Too Judgmental…..

Yesterday I wrote about a person I had seen sitting in front of me at a show.  I saw that he was rigid and stone faced throughout the performance and I concluded that he was being cranky because he didn’t like the content/theme of the show.  Many people thought that perhaps this man had had a bad day and shouldn’t be judged.  Fair and correct point- I made an assumption based on what I viewed, but had no actual knowledge of the situation.  I know I have acted in inappropriate ways sometimes- I think every parent has.  I’ve been to the*%^$#& happiest place on earth, and have seen many parents lose their cool even though they are all at place where it should be fun, fun, fun.  Parents are allowed to have feelings other that absolute joy, and parents are allowed to show these feelings.  Your kids need to learn that everything is not always happy and pleasant.  And no one should judge what any other parent is going through at any particular time.  So I realize I made a snap judgement, and you should never judge another parent.

But….

FYI- I’m thinking of changing my name to But….. because I find that I use that word a lot….

I saw a middle school age girl almost jump out of her seat with excitement when John Green took the stage.  I saw her look at her Father.  I saw her smile drop.

I’m sorry- but I can’t help but feel for that little girl.

Middle school is hard for many kids.  There bodies are changing- that’s so much fun when all of a sudden things start popping out….And the emotions!  Oh- the emotions!  My kid was in this stage not so long ago, and to some degree she still has mood swings, but not like a few years ago.  They are confused and angry and they don’t know their place in the world.  Part of them longs to be an adult, but part of them still wants to be a child.  Their brain is developing, and they don’t quite know how to handle it.  One minute they’re crying, then they’re yelling, then they’re laughing.  The emotions of tweens is about as confusing as this paragraph.

So I felt for this girl.

I don’t know- but I think sometimes as parents we have to be better.  We’re the adults.  Maybe a parent needs to suck it up sometimes, and no matter how cranky they are, or how bad a day, they need to maybe smile- even if it’s just for the 10 seconds that your kid is looking at you for confirmation that everything is ok.   Yeah- I think sometimes a parent needs to be selfless.  I know it’s hard- remember- I wrote a whole blog entitled parenting sucks……By job description- parenting is not easy.

But this little girl- looking up at her father….and the mother was sitting on the other side of the father- if he was in a bad mood, why didn’t he take the aisle seat and have his wife between him and the kid?

See- because I can’t help but think about this girl…..

Now- lets switch this up a little. What if I said the parent was on their cell phone the whole time?  What would we think about a parent that was at a show but not paying attention?

I’d say the level of disengagement was exactly the same.  The parent was physically present, but emotionally withdrawn.

Let’s switch it up again.  What if the father was pissed at his wife, and that was the reason for the scowl?  Should you let marital problems interfere with your kids?

So, I’m torn- because I don’t want to judge anyone or their situation.  But, I also want kids to enjoy certain moments in their life, because I know that life sucks a lot of the time.

A Letter to the Father Sitting in front of me at An Evening with John and Hank Green

Dear Father Figure,

Hi.  It’s me, the Mother Figure in the seat behind you at Town Hall last night.  Remember me?  I was with my daughter.  You were with your kids, I’m guessing a 12 year old daughter and 14 year old son.  Yeah- you remember me now- the one giving you pitying looks…..Why was I giving you pitying looks?  Well, let me tell you….

First off.  John Green.  This is the go to author for much of Generation Z.  He writes about characters that they can relate to.  He writes characters that come alive and jump off the page.  His prose is prosaic, his words are quotable….he embodies  the angst and heartbreak they often feel.  He gets your children to read.

Let me repeat that.  He is getting your tween age kids to read.  To love reading.  To look forward to reading.

That’s a problem, right?

Your kids.

Reading.

Well- it must be, judging by the pissed off expression you wore last night.  Because you sat there- scowling.  Yes.  Scowling.  Your shoulders were tense, your body was rigid.  For a moment I thought that you were an angry statue.  You didn’t clap.  You didn’t move your arms.  You didn’t crack a smile.  You didn’t even smile when you looked over at your kids, who were obviously loving and enjoying the evening.  How does a parent not look at their kids and smile when their kids are quite clearly having a great time and a great experience?

Are we a tad selfish and self absorbed?  Does your obligation end at buying the tickets and accompanying them?  Do you think your daughter didn’t notice that you were not miserable, but angry?  Cause let me tell you- she noticed.  She glanced at you worryingly.  And this is just conjecture- but I’m guessing she was wondering what she did wrong.  Because that’s how kids are- they see their parents mad and they think it’s their fault.  Remember that- kids think that things are their fault.  So they think that when you are an ass, it’s their fault.  Well- they think that.  I know you are an ass because you are only worried about yourself.

Are you embaressed that your kids like these books?  That your kids watch Utube videos about literature and science? (cause that’s what these guys do- they make learning fun)  Would your rather your kids were watching sports?  Do you think if your kids read these books, listen to the podcasts,  they will be uncool?  Are these not the kids you wanted?  Do your kids not meet your expectations?

Well- get over it.  Get over yourself and your pre-conceived notions.

Cause what I see are two kids that like something that is good.  I see two kids that probably want to be better people, want to feel empathy.  They want to be part of the group that respects others and their choices.  Because that’s part of what the Green Brothers are about.  They sing about science.  They write books.  They talk about respect and they show empathy.

Respect and empathy.

The world would be a much better place if all kids learned respect and empathy.

Fyi- you- the parental unit- the  first teacher your kids had- you’re not displaying either of those things right now.

Even if you are bored, pretend to like it.  If you weren’t so irritated, you would realize that it’s a pretty good show.  These guys are funny- really funny.  And they are brilliant- that is blatantly obvious.  And oh yeah, your kids are into it.

Are you upset that he talks about depression and anxiety and mental illness?  Do you think if your kids never hear those terms they will never suffer from those things?

Wrong.  You are so wrong.  Issues like these have no boundaries.  Kids don’t hear about things like OCD and say, that sounds like fun, let me try that this week.  But maybe they will recognize something in themselves, and they realize that they are not alone.  They affect so many people.  Isn’t is better to be aware?  Isn’t awareness what helps fix things?

Well- you wouldn’t know that because you are least self aware person ever.  Yes- I’m judging you on outward appearance- sorry- you’re throwing off that vibe.  And if I think that- well, what do your kids think?

So here’s the thing:

Your kids like to read.  They are reading books that have some great messages.  They are spending their Tuesday evening with you, as a family, at a lecture/show.  Pay attention to them.  Try to understand where they are at.  You don’t get many chances like this.  They grow up and away really fast.  Embrace these moments.  Don’t be such a giant ass.

xoxo

The Mom sitting behind you

 

Stop Dragging my Heart Around

So….

I’ve been thinking about love- obviously- I wrote two posts about it last week.  And while there are many positive descriptions and feelings about it, and most people enjoy the feelings associated with it, there are plenty of negative associations.  So today, I’m going to talk about the dark side…..

Unrequited love- when one person loves someone, but the feelings aren’t reciprocated.  I once had a boyfriend.  He told me he loved me (ah swoon) and I responded in kind.  His response back was “Well, I hope so.  That’s how it’s supposed to work.”  He wasn’t being flip, but his feeling was that it’s only love if both sides feel the same way.   He felt that one sided love wasn’t love, but delusion, because love is reflective- you give and you get.  We come to the first question of the day:  is it love if it’s only one sided?

I must admit, I think this old boyfriend was right.  How can you actually love someone who doesn’t feel same way?  Sure – there could be really deep feeling….but is that love, or a crush?  If you’re constantly going above and beyond for someone who might not necessarily be doing the same thing, is it love or obsession? ( I know- we’re now starting to get into the tricky what is love area, but I’m not posting quotes today…..)  Love should be about two people sharing mutual feelings- whatever guise that is.

But at least I’ve answered the cheeseburger dilemma, as the cheeseburger does not love me back, so we can safely say that I am obsessed with cheeseburgers….

Now let’s talk about when love ends….break ups and divorce.  How does love so quickly become so devastatingly nasty?  Well, humans can be pretty crappy to one another- I think we know that.  But how can you treat someone you once loved with so much contempt?  Fighting over objects?  Being overly critical in front of your shared children?  But- I often wonder…..were the two people really in love?  (I know, I know- we’re back to the what is love question again- I can’t help it- it’s a vicious circle)

I got married youngish, and I got divorced.  My ex husband was not a good person.  He did some despicable things.  But in hindsight, I don’t think I ever loved him.  I don’t think he loved me either.  I had all sorts of stupid reasons as to why I married him, which are enough for a 3 volume set, so we’re not going to go down that road today….but suffice to say- it probably wasn’t a love match.  Now, when I actually got married I thought I loved him, but my view of love was a bit skewed, and again, all sorts of emotional baggage at work here.  So next point- if people break up, were they really in love to begin with?

What about cheating?  If you love your partner, why would you have an affair?  Sure, sex is sex- I get that-but  If you have an affair, does that mean you don’t love your partner?

So this sort of brings me to my next point- what if you talk yourself into love?  There are many reasons you might do this: you got pregnant, you want to get pregnant, you want to be married…..for whatever reason- you think that you need love to complete a goal…..Now, you might end up with the baby, or the wedding ring, but are you happy?  Should you talk yourself into “love” because it completes your to do list?

I know there are all sorts of love/ physical-emotional abuse things- but I am not qualified to talk about that.  I do not even come close to understanding the dynamics involved in relationships like this, so that subject is off the table.

So thoughts?  Questions?  What did I miss?

I’m very interested in ideas and questions that I don’t think computers can solve- for now anyway- I’m reading the new Dan Brown and am beginning to think that computers will be able to answer everything-  and RIP Tom Petty…..

Peace and love to all!  Well, maybe love.  Depends on how we define it……

 

Underappreciated

Sometimes, things don’t go to plan.  You all know by now that I am a somewhat organized person, who writes lists, and schedules things.  But even with my over attentive habits things fall through the cracks, people get cranky, things happen.

On Friday night, I was at the Botanic Garden with the husband.  My friend with whom I had Sunday plans FINALLY texted me back- you know- while I was out.  Even though we had known we were going to hang out that day, my friend is a little more laid back than me, so we didn’t know what we were going to do.  You can imagine I was getting a little antsy about not knowing what I was doing- and I had sent her a list of suggestions….all which would require tickets, because in NYC, just about everything requires advance tickets and planning.  So while I’m wandering around the gardens, I’m furiously texting S, trying to cement plans…..

When I got home Friday night, I bought the tickets for our planned activity.  When my daughter got home, I helped her get ready for Saturday.  She was playing in a tennis tournament and had to leave early because not only did the tourney start early, it was is the far reaches of Queens, which is a decent trip from Manhattan.  On Friday night, she was as ready as possible for Saturday.

At 6am Saturday morning- she didn’t feel so prepared.  After a week of tennis and homework- her sleep to awake ratio was pretty low- she was tired.  Tired=cranky.  I made her coffee, I made her a hot breakfast.  I packed her a healthy snack.  I refilled her water bottles.  She was snippy towards me- complained that her breakfast was boring- couldn’t I have made her something different?

Let’s just say I was fixated on the words “hot breakfast”, cause I probably said it 20 times.  Lets just say that there were a lot of not so nice words said about 20 times. We argued about metro cards- she wanted mine, I asked her why she didn’t refill hers…..stupid, stupid things…..I told her she was ungrateful cause I didn’t need to help her out….she said I needed to do these things cause I’m her Mom…..

And she stormed off.

We went to the movies together Saturday night- we repaired things for the most part- but I was still a little annoyed because I was feeling underappreciated.  Yes- please get out your teeny tiny violin and play me a melancholy tune…..the underappreciated Mom……

But this brings us to Sunday morning.  Normally, I have things organized and ready to go- gym clothes out, outfit planned, blog pre written, tickets printed for whatever I’m doing…..but this Sunday, yesterday, I didn’t have any of those things done.

Why?

Because on Saturday, in the time I’d allotted to prepping, I was reading the new Dan Brown book.  Yes- I was reading in unplanned reading time…….

I know.

I’m a horrible person.

Shame on me.

So Sunday morning I was behind, because along with not having anything prepared, I also woke up late……

But then, my ungrateful daughter stepped in.  She walked the dog.  She printed out my tickets for me (of course, when you’re running late is the morning that it takes 40 minutes to print out 1 ticket, and remember I bought 2 tickets…..).  She helped me organize my clothes and toiletries because I was changing at the gym.  She filled my water bottle and got me an apple.   And she realized that I would not be allowed to bring my gym bag into the theater because of security checks, so she arranged to get my gym bag before I went off on my outing, as well as bringing me the freshly printed tickets.  Right, the ungrateful daughter.

So what did I learn?

  1. I do not do well if I’m unprepared
  2. Always print out tickets as soon as you buy them
  3. Dan Brown books are really engrossing even if I don’t understand them 80% of the time
  4. We all need a little help sometimes
  5. I need to bug my friend S2 about plans a lot sooner (the funny thing is, I have another good friend S1 and she is just like me- I’m seeing her Friday night, and we already know when and where and have confirmed with our other friends)
  6. Even ungrateful daughters can be a life saver
  7. I need to take deep, relaxing , meditative breaths…….

Peace and love to all!!